Free Fall

On the Road Again

2011-04-16T14:42:00.000-05:00

It is a universally known fact that I love to travel. Actually, ADORE to travel is much closer to the truth. When it comes to sitting around home, I'm not much for it. Whether 'travel' involves going to the nearest ski hill for the day or simply going to the movies or traveling cross-country, it's my idea of paradise. Actually, very little can make me as happy as traveling can. I love people, I love going places.

It is also an almost universally known fact that I live in what could definitely be considered the middle of nowhere. In the summer time my town is a major vacation hot-spot, and I love that. Unfortunately that part of the year I'm working all the time, so I can't enjoy it. The other 9 months out of the year my town is covered in snow--and all but dead. And those 9 months I hate.

Right now it's spring. Spring means lots of things here. It means that the snow is melting, and every week or so it snows afresh as if winter is laughing at us for getting hopeful about seeing the ground. Almost all the snow was gone yesterday. today it's snowing again. Sometimes I think that if it snows one more time I'll cry.

Spring also means that my family and I travel. Spring seems to be the best time for travel, after all, who would want to vacation to this part of the world during this miserable weather? Last week, my sister and I went and spent 4 whole days with my cousins in Milwaukee. It was so good to be out of the cold! It's only 4 hours south, but it makes all the difference in the world. We even got a very hot day that was in the 80s.

This year someone else is traveling too. My best friend and her husband are moving to Florida. They left yesterday, and I already miss her. I miss that she'll be here with me, and I miss that we won't get to see her when she's absolutely huge with her baby. And I'm kind of miffed that she'll get to sit on the beach while we're shoveling snow out of our driveway. After all, Naples Florida is like a little piece of paradise.

Now, only a few more days until my family fires up our RV and leaves for Florida. Yes, we're going to Florida too. Not Naples, we're going to spend four days camping on the Atlantic Ocean. Two days visiting a friend of my mom's in Orlando. And there will be nine other days spent traveling there and back, seeing sights and going new places.

Every time I think about our trip, I'm happy. To be on the open road, free and headed for unknown lands, that makes me happy. Now I just have to wait until Wednesday!

A Time to Study and a Time to be Free

2011-03-16T14:42:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me could tell you that this is my Senior year, my last year of school. Next fall I go to college, entering a classroom for the first time in my life. I've spent the last 12 (or so) years being homeschooled, and, for the most productive of them, teaching myself. It hasn't been easy, in fact, in a lot of ways I hate it. I love the freedom to go and do what I want when I want, but there's a lot of stuff I'm not so fond of. Like the fact that I have no friends to hang out with, cuz they're all on the internet. Or the way my early schooling was sooo messed up cuz my mom didn't know what she was doing.

So next year that all changes. Next year I go sit in a class room, listen to lectures. I'll have homework--probably more than I want. I'll have to drive the half an hour to and from college every day I have classes. I'll still be living at home--I can't get an apartment until I turn 18 next year.

I've been a little tempted to be lazy and enjoy what I have left of homeschooling...using my amazing powers to do my schoolwork when and where I want. If it wasn't for one little thing, I suppose I could drag everything out to the first week of June when I'll start working for earnest.

But my Dad, in his amazingness, put a little incentive in the middle. It's called...vacation. End of April we take off for two weeks to drive down to Florida, seeing the sights on the way. Four days on the Atlantic ocean, two days in the tropics, and then a whole sightseeing adventure on the way back. Heaven on earth. The deal? We have to be ahead on schoolwork before we go.

Sounds reasonable enough, right? Well, I didn't make it two weeks before I realized how close was to finishing economics. So I picked up the pace. Right now I'm 2 essays away from final completion--with an A 100% on my final test!!! And now that I'm almost done with that I'm wondering if it would be possible for me to be FINISHED with english before I, not just AHEAD.

Only time will be able to gauge my determination. :)

On the Much-Disputed Topic of "Twilight"

2011-03-04T15:40:00.003-06:00

Yesterday it came up when talking to my boyfriend as to 'why' I like Jacob better than Edward. At the time...I wasn't sure. It was more a feeling than anything else. Last night I watched "Eclipse"...and I finally was able to make concrete reasoning of the fact that I'd known, though I wasn't sure why.

I think it all comes back to the kinds of guys we like. My sister adores Edward, so I'm not saying that only stupid girls like him. I'm just saying that he's not my type.

The absolute number one reason that I like Jacob better is a quality that I hope to have in all of my friends, not just the men in my life! Jacob is completely honest with Bella. Edward is CONSTANTLY holding things back 'for her safety'!!! It drives me insane! I love how Jacob believes that Bella should know and make her own decisions. I think this matters a lot to me because it shows that he's respecting her. It's not a feminist thing, believe me, I just don't want someone who lies to me to protect me. I'm strong enough and responsible enough to know; and if you're not willing to respect me at that level, then I'm not sure how much I want to trust you either.

Also, Jacob is always there. Edward kind of has this attitude that Bella will always love him no matter what, and if she doesn't he'll just be the suffering hero and crawl off and die. Jacob is put in the position of always being second to Edward; but even so he never has the attitude of suffering. He's always there for Bella. No matter what. No matter how much the situation looks hopeless, he's fearless and doesn't give up. I love that because it shows an amazing amount of commitment on his part, and I love and respect that.

While Bella and Jacob are also in love, the nature of their relationship is much different than the one between Edward and Bella. With Edward, every move, every moment is romantic in nature. They are lovers first, foremost, and only. But Jacob and Bella are also friends. They are able to laugh and joke around without getting snared in the grounds of treating their completely romantic relationship wrong. Because of this their relationship feels very comfortable and natural to me; letting both of them be who they really are. I think that every good relationship should be grounded in a steady friendship--if you can't be friends then I don't think you'll be able to stay together forever and ever. Everyone who has been in a long relationship will tell you there are days that the fire is dead, and then you have only your friendship to see you through.

Jacob treats Bella as an equal. Edward treats Bella as if she is a bit of porcelian that needs to be cushioned against every fall. I find this very uncomfortable, and dislike it intenseley. The reason for that is that I would never want to be treated like that. I never want to be treated as if my hurting myself would be the end of the world! Ugg! It is so repulsive to me that I often find Edward repulsive when he acts that way.

And of course, last but not least, I love that Jacob is mortal. That he's alive, has blood running through his veins. I like it that he will grow old and die, and for him Bella would not have to change. Yes, I love that he's a Werewolf instead of a Vampire. Something about being undead kinda deffinitely creeps me out.

Also, I like Bella better around Jacob. She's a very different person when she's with Jacob and when she's with Edward. When she's with Edward she's very obsessed with him and with becoming a vampire and she's very unsure of herself, just as she is. When she's with Jacob she's much more comfortable, and she's happy and confident in who she is.

In one way, I guess this is just another piece written on a subject that has been written on many times, why Jacob is better than Edward. But I like to think that this piece is actually written on a subject that has been written on only once,how Jacob and Edward contrast to me the way I would or would not want to be and be treated. Take it as you will.

A Moment; Whisking On, Never To Return

2011-02-07T13:20:00.000-06:00

DAY THIRTY: One Last Moment.

Last day of my thirty day blogging challenge. I've missed days, typed poor blog posts, and probably muddled half a dozen other things. But it was fun, interesting, and I hope that anyone reading learned some new cool stuff about me. :) Because we all know that I'm a fantastic fun, and very cool person...lol. NOT! :)

I've considered doing some other writing challenges; so we'll see. Maybe I'll take a break first and just write some posts from my heart... :P Seems pretty deep! lol Anyway...whatever I do I'll have fun doing, that's for sure.

So in this last moment of this blogging challenge I'm not sure whether I should reflect on how far I've come since I started typing out these posts or how far I'll go in the future... I'm not sure whether I should reflect on those who have been reading this...or the amazing guy who has been so good about always reminding me to not miss more days than I have to!

Maybe I won't reflect on the past or the future. Maybe I'll spend this last moment of this challenge looking at the here and now. Happiness and frustration. Aspiration and reluctance.

I have this crazy amount of happiness in my heart right now. Last evening was amazing... I watched the Superbowl with Cory and his dad and stepmom...and it was good. Any time that we spend together is, and it just makes me unbelievably happy inside! Right now my heart feels like it could fly.

My head is so frustrated though! I was working on schoolwork this morning and classic lit is starting to drive me insane! it's so tough; I'm so poor at classic lit anyway, and so far EVERYTHING has been poetry. And it's all 'explain this' and 'what does that mean'...and I'm pissed.

And all this frustration with schoolwork is making me look forward to college...the beginning of a real career! And no more English Lit!!!! :) Also...my boyfriend just got a job at Walmart; and I'm SO proud of him because this is a really hard time of year to get work! He's so persistent and responsible. <3 So I'm full of all this aspiration...seeing a bright future of business and happiness.

But I'm a little reluctant to let this time go. I've already lost so much time to work and everything! So many evenings that the boyfriend and I can't spend together because I'm working and so many times I can't go places with my family or watch movies with them or that kind of stuff... And now Cory has his other job and we probably won't get to see each other as much anymore either. And then summer will come...then college...and work... :( I feel like after this time then it's going to be a lot of business until I'm old enough where we can be together more again...

So yea. Those are pretty much the thoughts going through my head now. Up and down...a perfect way to end a great blogging challenge. Thank y'all for reading! :) love ya guys! One guy in particular... *kisses* Cory!!!!

Aspirations to Higher Ground

2011-02-05T14:33:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-NINE: My Aspirations

I used to have huge aspirations; I wanted to be a famous author, someone that everyone knew my name. Well, life and a little practicality got in the way and yea, I'm going to settle for less. ;)

I aspire to be successful...whatever I do. I want to be famous and successful still...in my job's own right. I don't expect to be nationally known; but I would like to be good at what I do. No...the best. I think I'll always spend my life trying to be the best. The best friend. The best girlfriend. The best cop. The best student. The best parent...

If I have one aspiration it's to be the best.

I want to be able to be proud of what I've done or what I'm doing. Being the best doesn't exactly mean that I'm 100 times better than everyone else, either. For me, being the best is being the best that I could possibly be. So maybe somebody else can be better than me at something; but that doesn't bother me as long as I'm being the best that I can possibly be.

So, in a way, I want to be proud, satisfied, and happy. Maybe I'm being unreasonable...but I don't think that's too much to ask.

Do you?

A Favorite Place is a Home Away From Home

2011-02-04T15:03:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-SEVEN: My Favorite Place.

I've been thinking about this post for a few days; and I have to say that I'm just a bit stumped as to what my favorite place is. I don't think I've ever been to a place that has been 'my favorite place ever, no questions asked'. It's a bit perplexing!

There are many places I love. I loved Oregon (west of the Cascades). I loved Virginia...green and wet with the gorgeous Appalachian mountains. The dry, arid beauty of the South Dakota badlands cried to me with its wild freedom...but I felt far too alone out there for that to be my favorite place.

If I had to choose a favorite place it would have to be an ocean...any ocean. Salty spray crashing on either sand or rock... Water droplets catching the light, flashing and falling back into the billowing surf. And the roar...oh the roar of the ocean! Calling to me, crying my name. Always begging me to return...

The ocean. Mystical in its beauty; eternal in its glory. Forever and ever beautiful. Forever and ever wonderful. Teeming with life, so different from coast to coast. Sometimes angry, sometimes still. The woman of so many legends; the lover of so many souls. The one who calls her own to her early...and never lets them go. A giver of life, a bringer of death. A goddess, a demon.

All beautiful, all horrible.

Wild with storms and peaceful under a tropic sun. The one who many dream to see. The one who calls to those who have danced in her waves...always calling and crying for them to come home. She wraps her voice in the conch shell so she can always plea with all the people of the earth to come to her shores, swim in her waters, bask in her reflection of the sun.

The ocean, the sea. A mythical creature of as changing as the sky and the volcano. The sea calls to me always, and I always yearn to return to her.

So if I were to choose a favorite place? If would have to be next to a salty sea. :)

Fear

2011-02-03T09:25:00.001-06:00

DAY TWENTY-SIX: What I am Afraid Of

I'm not afraid of a lot of things... Probably the fear that fuels the most other fears is that I fear pain. I always have. If I think that something might hurt...there's a good possibility that I won't do it. Pain scares me. I've never been in intense pain...and I never intend to. People ask how I've gotten through my life so far without breaking a bone...I'm careful! That would hurt!

That's the reason I'm afraid of heights (and have been all my life). I look at how far down it is and go "oh gee. If I fall that's REALLY going to hurt." Then, of course, I don't want to go up to the edge, ect! I'm getting much better about my fear of heights because I'm learning more and more what's safe and what isn't... I'm also learning that the possibility of getting hurt is less than I thought...

Also, I fear desertion or rejection. This might sound crazy; but I'm a people-person and I don't like the idea of being rejected or abandoned by someone I previously considered a good friend. Uuuug. Sometimes, but not always, I'm afraid that my friends who are older than me (lots!) are going to grow up and 'out grow' me. Like...not want to talk to me or something because they're older and I'm younger and...yeah. Weird, but true.

And one thing that I'm pretty scared about right now is that when I go to college this coming fall that I won't make any friends. I want to make friends through college so badly! But, you know, I'm afraid that I won't be brave enough to really talk to anybody and that they won't really want to talk to me either cuz they're going to have their own friends... Creepy. I went all through Driver's Ed without making a single friend, so I find the idea a little intimidating.

I guess I made some amazing friends in my web design class though...so... We'll see. I'm a little scared that I won't know how to handle real friendships even if I'm pretty good at internet ones! :P

In Light of a First, All Other Times Dim....

2011-02-01T15:31:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-FIVE: A First

As long as I can remember I've been afraid of heights. My primary fear is falling...I do not want to feel the pain of falling off something high. But as time goes by, I fear it less and less because I learn more and more that the possibility of falling is really quite slim.

My fear of heights rapidly went away this fall when my family and I was on our west trip--out to the plains states! We were up high so many times out there...from high slopes to mighty cliffs overlooking the vast emptiness of the Great Plains.

And it was on that trip that I stepped to the edge of a dizzying drop in high winds (at least 50 or 60 mph) and looked out...and was not afraid. For the first time I felt the mighty freedom, saw the uncharted size of the American west. Felt the wind on my face, in my hair, and tugging at my clothes. I looked down, saw the drop several thousand feet down to a grassy plain...and I wasn't afraid.

In that moment, I feared nothing; just felt enormous freedom. My fear of heights isn't gone, but I hope to have lots of other dizzying moments...without fear. It was the first, but not the last. The start of an addiction to something I feared. A new frontier.

Tears Are Emotions That Can Be Seen

2011-01-30T13:44:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-FOUR: What Makes Me Cry

There are really few things that can make me cry; but when I cry, I cry hard. I often cry if people mock my friends...or my lack of them. I find it very upsetting, because I am often quite lonely; and because of my homeschooling, I didn't get highschool friends. So I have a few friends, but just a few and really only one in real life...a friend and a boyfriend.

So I don't like to be mocked about that.

Other than that...there's very little that can make me cry...other than being happy.

Any time that I'm extremely happy I cry. And I cry VERY hard when I laugh sometimes...because...face it...I laugh harder than most people. Laughter feels so good for me! :D

A Cloud Can Be Blown Away By The Wind and the Sun

2011-01-29T13:49:00.001-06:00

DAY TWENTY-THREE: What Makes Me Feel Better

When I'm upset it often takes quite a bit to get me to calm down... The best thing is often a lot of small things. There's really only one thing that can make me feel better almost instantaneously...and that's Cory. If I'm really upset, talking to him makes me feel SO much better. Particularly if he knows I'm upset and I talk about it. If I'm stubborn and just hide it, then it takes me a little longer to loosen back up again...but not much.

It's amazing, because, other than him, people can't make me feel better. You can ask my best friend who lived with us this summer, and usually when I'm really upset about something, people just make it worse. It's the only time I really need to be alone.

But, somehow, Cory is different. Just his voice starts calming me down RIGHT AWAY. It's so weird...and I love it...because when I'm really upset I know I can always call him and he doesn't mind AND I'll feel better.

Other things that help to make me better is food...particularly snacky food...and movies. The movies distract me, and food is very much a comfort thing. :)

Upsets are Temporary, Not to be Dwelt Upon

2011-01-28T13:57:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-TWO: Thing that Upset Me

There are really only a few things that truly 'upset' me. Many things that bother me or annoy me, but very few that actually upset me. That said, I do have a few.

It really upsets me when people refuse to get over someone and move on. My sister has me really upset right now cuz her best friend basically just quit on her months and months ago and my sister won't move on with her life! Same with people who make themselves miserable for years over a past boyfriend or crush... It really puts me out because...I like to see people happy and it just seems incredibly dumbass to me to say 'I'm going to be miserable because this other person acted like an asshole'. I mean, is it just me or is it totally not worth it?

That's the thing that upsets me most! Drives me downright crazy.

The other thing that upsets me is people who are bisexual. They bother me way more than homosexuals. I don't know why...maybe because with being bisexual comes the whole attitude of having sex with anything or anybody...and maybe it's just me, but that's weird... So yea. That upsets me too.

And a third thing that upsets me is when people are hypocritical. When they say one thing and do another. Or worse...when they really rip someone out for doing something and then go and do it themselves. Enough to make me scream sometimes! Ag!

The single thing that upsets me most is when people CHOOSE to be miserable...and suicide really upsets me. It's like...COME ON, it's a really big world out there, and there's more tolerance in this world than ever. Just because you're gay and somebody taunts you, don't kill yourself! Doesn't fix a damn thing! All it makes is a lot of other people unhappy.

Think of it this way, people. If you choose to be miserable...and definitely if you commit suicide...you're not going to help anything, and you're going to make at least one person sad or upset...probably a lot more than that.

Is it worth it at all?

We Reap What We Sow...But ONLY What We Sow...

2011-01-27T18:12:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY-ONE: This Month

So far this month has been an interesting one; first month of the new year...new beginnings...lots of new thoughts...

Probably the most important aspect of this month, tho, is a lesson that, for me, has been a long time in coming. Something that is very significant to life in general; but mine is particular because it's something that I am sooooo slow to realize!

I'm starting to learn that really, you only get what you worked to achieve. I always used to think that these stories of overnight success from people who never really wanted it was true. I thought that friendships were just always there no matter what; and maybe that if they weren't they hadn't been that great of a relationship to start with.

There's probably some of you reading this who are thinking that that's a pretty screwed up mentality! Well, it is. And I'm just starting to learn that.

I've never forced myself on people...I will have no friends before I force myself upon someone. It makes me uncomfortable to be very forceful about things; if I feel resistance I back off. I've always been 'the wild one' who does what I want...but that doesn't involve other people most of the time.

I'm starting to learn that everything goes two ways. A job goes two ways, a family life goes two ways. I've been learning a lot through this month to speak up. If I want to go to lunch with my best friend, I can do that! I know my mom might not like it a lot (because she's like every mom and always likes it better when I'm here) but that shouldn't change what I do.

I've also been thinking about my relationship with Cory...which might sound crazy, but it's true. I want to make it work so badly, and I'm realizing more and more that a relationship isn't about each person being 50%...just being there. No; a relationship is about both people being 100%...both people contributing.

And in realizing that I realized (just yesterday in fact) how much I was missing in my friendship with my best friend. The friendship got to be WORK where I actually had to THINK about spending time with her...and I pretty much just slacked off instead of going to effort of actually always consciously working on it. And in the same way she kind of backed off cuz she wasn't sure if I wanted to be with her and I wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me and...yea. It kinda fell apart...and it was almost two weeks between when we talked!

Then yesterday I finally got frustrated and talked to her about it; and realized that it was just because we both hadn't been working on it hard enough and it had become a double-edged frustration. I have to say, I felt so guilty! It just seems ridiculous to start loosing something like that simply because I was too lazy to put a real effort into it!!!

I'm going to never do that again, I swear. From this day on I'm going to try and remember to always give 100%, no matter what the other party is giving. That way I'll always be in the plus. It's been 16 years in the working, but I think I've finally learned my lesson. ;)

A Moment, The Whisper of Time that Defines Our Lives

2011-01-26T13:58:00.000-06:00

DAY TWENTY: A Moment

A moment, so often underestimated, so often considered an unimportant speck of time. A mere fraction of a second, speeding by, too fast to even realize. How many of us can even trace down a moment, for even the smallest event in our lives is multiple moments all put together to create the smallest memory.

But how important that tiny moment! For without moments there would be no seconds, no minutes, no hours, no days. Without moments we would have no life at all.

So if we do not consider the importance of a mere moment then we are discarding the importance of our lives as a whole! We are discarding the importance of the decisions and thoughts that shape us...all as fast and fleeting as the tiny moment. These thoughts and decisions are so quickly forgotten, but change us forever.

Do not forget the moments, hold them, cherish them, and remember that each one is important.

Hindsight is Always 20-20

2011-01-25T15:36:00.002-06:00

DAY NINETEEN: My Regrets

Ah, regrets. We all have them, and I suppose that I have no more than most, although it seems like a lot to me.

I regret not spending more time with my Grandpa Sherren when he was alive...somehow at that young age I just assumed he'd be with us forever, and now it's too late. :(

I've always had these strange and unexplainable prejudices toward things... I never know where they came from or why they're there, but I've let way too many of the keep me from doing, wearing, or seeing things; and I deeply regret the things I've missed because of it.

I regret taking friendships for granted...one day I turned around and one was gone. Gone, never to come back. I regret not appreciating that more while it was here.

I regret the whole way my schooling turned out. I know that there's really nothing I could have done about it, but I still regret it and I wish there would have been a way for it to turn out differently.

I regret the times I've never had with my family at the holidays because my parents don't believe in 'special days'.

I regret the years that I let just fly by without really caring how old I was...because even tho my parents don't care, I realize now that it matters, because if you say you don't care then you really loose that time.

But most of all I regret all the times that I took for granted when they were happening...and even was angry because I didn't think they were going the way I thought they should have. Looking back now I would give anything to have them back, flaws and all.

Birthdays: the Anniversary of a New Life

2011-01-24T15:42:00.000-06:00

DAY EIGHTEEN: My Favorite Birthday

Well. I don't have a favorite birthday, I don't think. actually, up to this point I haven't really liked any of my birthdays at all. My dad doesn't believe in 'special days' so I've never had a proper birthday party or anything. It sucks, yea.

But if I had to choose one it would have to be my sixteenth birthday. I spent a good part of the day driving with my driving instructor (who is absolutely amazing. :) ) and the rest of it just hanging around.

But what made it more special than what actually happened was simply the whole concept of being sixteen. I was going to get my driver's license. And just...all the crazy fantasies that come with being sixteen. Friends, boys... Heck, my sixteenth year was way better than all my dreams. :)

Personally, I hope my favorite birthday ever will be this upcoming one. :)

(birthday card credit of good friend Hannah Spotts. I love it. :D )

Memories: Bits of the Past That We Carry With Us

2011-01-23T11:25:00.000-06:00

DAY SEVENTEEN: A Favorite Memory

Oh, Lordy. I have so many favorite memories! To pick just one is so difficult! But I'll do my best. :)

The first one that pops to mind was one night at work when Cory and I were working together. It was...meh...maybe about a month after we'd started dating. It was kind of slow, so I was mostly just standing around. Cory comes out, and he's eating pretzels that he'd swiped from the bar. He held one up to his chest, being silly. "Look, it's my heart." Slight pause. Then, "You can have it." Then serious... "It's yours anyway."

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or blush or just kind of melt into a puddle. :) It's such a silly random thing, but it is absolutely one of my favorite memories ever. It makes me smile and even laugh a little whenever I think about it.

Another favorite memory would have to be sitting at the bar one night talking after work, (Cory wasn't there, it was just me) and the topic of conversation turned to how good, faithful women should not be underestimated or treated wrong. And Teddy turned to me and said, "If Cory ever, ever treats you badly I swear to God I will beat the shit out of him." I have to admit it--I laughed. Hard. So funny. And Teddy just looked at me like I was out of my mind.

To this day I'm not sure why that strikes me as so funny, but it totally does. Just cracks me up every time! :)

A Kiss is Nothing Less Than Heaven on Earth

2011-01-22T11:12:00.000-06:00

DAY SIXTEEN: My First Kiss

Wow. :) Just...wow. :) Talk about something I'll remember forever...

It was the day of our first date, Monday the sixth of September. Labor Day. We'd gone out in the morning, and then had to work together that night. It was after work and he was walking me out to my car. When we said goodnight, I hugged him, and he kissed me on the cheek. I went to return the gesture...but either I missed or fate intervened and...yea.

All I can say is that it was amazing. At first my reaction was kinda 'oh my gosh, I can't believe I just did that', but it felt so right. :)

Incredible.

There have been a lot of kisses since then, and almost all of them better than the first (surprise; I didn't know what I was doing!). But I think I'll always remember the first one. It was the beginning of something bigger. Which is...amazing.

And amazing doesn't really do it justice.

Dreams: Imaginations of That Which Could Be

2011-01-21T14:43:00.000-06:00

DAY FIFTEEN: My Dreams

I'm not a 'dreamer' per-se, but that doesn't mean that I don't have dreams. I have millions of them; some of them very small and other huge.

I dream of someday being married, having a house of our own and a family.

I dream of being successful...and stable.

I dream of being the girl that other girls envy.

I dream of making some impact on the world for the better.

I dream of living a life full of happiness, laughter, and love.

I dream of an America that is once again what it once was.

I dream of being an amazing surfer.

I have this dream of someday having an idylic vacation in the Caribbean.

...and that's just scratching the surface. :)

Clothes Tell of Who You Are, or Who You Want to Be

2011-01-20T13:01:00.000-06:00

DAY FOURTEEN: What I'm Wearing.

Twice in one 30 day blogging challenge? Tsk tsk! I foresee another boring post here! Ah well, it cannot be helped; and if nothing else it's a test of my blogging skill. ;)

Today I am wearing a pair of carpenter-cut jeans, stonewashed and ripped around the bottoms. Probably my least fashionable pair of jeans, I mostly wear them for just around the house. Tan long-sleeve, blue screen t-shirt with butterflies and indiscernible writing stuff on it, and my Volcom sweatshirt, far too big but amazing all the same. It's a man's sweatshirt...I love it. The pockets and hoods on men's sweatshirts aren't fun-sized like on girl's! Yay! :)

On a slightly different note (to keep this blog post from being toooo boring!) I'm working on giving myself a french manicure currently. It's going very slowly because I'm having to be extra super duper careful; but so far it's looking really nice! I have all but my smallest finger done on my left hand...then I have to start on the right, which will be the really hard part! o.O

I'm just so glad to have nice nails! I was a nail biter for most of my life...just stopped this fall! I'm so immensely proud of my nails now tho. :) I've decided I like wearing them longer...not very long, just not short either! Something about not having them for a lot of your life makes you appreciate them more. :)

Ah...but isn't everything like that? :)

Time Divided; Days, Weeks, Months, Years

2011-01-19T15:20:00.000-06:00

DAY THIRTEEN: This Week

This week.

Hmm.

Random.

So far it's been a pretty ordinary week. I can't think of anything that happened special except for yesterday when I got to spend a largish part of the day with my boyfriend. And that was amazing. Of course.

But the rest of the week looks like it'll be more fun. I'll see the boyfriend on Saturday night when we work together at the very least, and I hope I see him before then too. :) I worked Monday, worked for about an hour last night, will work again tonight. And tomorrow night. And Saturday night.

This weekend in the Radar Runs...snowmobile racing on a lake very near us. Maybe I'll go and watch a bit.

Other than that I can think of absolutely nothing interesting to relate.

Yea. Boring. Sorry!

Some Women Carry Their Life in a Bag

2011-01-17T14:03:00.000-06:00

DAY TWELVE: What's In My Bag

Yea, I'm pretty much like most women; I have a purse that goes with me pretty much every where. Usually I don't have a taste in the sophisticated end of clothes or accessories for every day use, but I loove black leather purses. Pretty much always have. I used to have a much smaller back leather purse; but, well, it was too small! My new one is still a shoulder-bag but leaning toward the large end.

I like my purse to have lots of different pockets. This one has a small pocket on each end (useful for all sorts of things!) and another long, thin one on the side. It's perfect for sunglasses and (usually) chapstick.

Inside, my bag has three pockets. The center one is largest and has a zipper. That includes my bank register, my camera, and extra batteries, as well as some other random and important stuff. (ibuprofen, ect...)

One of the other pockets holds my makeup. Generally I carry with me 2 shades of lipstain(nude pink, darker pink), lip gloss(rose-gold), eyeshadow(bronze), mascara(brown lengthening), foundation(rarely used). This is the stuff that I'd usually wear if I felt the need for makeup, so I like having it with me if there's a change in plans and I feel like I need to get 'dressed up' more. Generally speaking I wear just mascara...and some days...no makeup at all.

The other pocket holds all my 'important stuff'. My wallet, any loose money I was too lazy to put in my wallet, my keys, tic-tacs, my iPod.

My bag is never 'full'. There's always room for the random and necessary. Chocolate, soda, socks... Anything. That's what a bag's for, after all. Carrying the stuff you need.

Sistahs and Brothahs

2011-01-16T15:15:00.000-06:00

DAY ELEVEN: Your Siblings

Well. I definitely have enough of these for it to be a topic of discussion. ;)

I have five siblings all-said. I am the oldest, 16. Becka is almost 14. Caleb is 11, Ezekiel is 9, Josiah is 6, and Lyla...Lyla isn't quite two.

My relationships with my siblings is different for each and every one of them, tho the boys can pretty much be lumped together.

Becka is my best friend...best bud. We have our fights, yea, we're sisters! hello! But that said we do all sorts of fun stuff together and (generally speaking) get along. Right now we're kinda not talking because she decided to be a snip to me about getting home late last night...but I don't suppose it'll last too long. ;) Our fights never do!

The boys...well...the boys and I don't get along quite as well. If we have to interact for too long; we fight. So generally speaking we keep a bit of a distance from each other and manage to make it through dinner without stabbing each other with our forks. Typical brother-sister relationship.

Lyla is just plain cute and I cannot make any objection to her...except that (not quite two years old or not!) she flirts with my boyfriend. o.O Tell me, is there something wrong with this picture?! Despite this, I love her to death anyway. :)

Without Clothes, Man Has Little To No Impression Upon Society

2011-01-15T13:35:00.000-06:00

DAY TEN: What I Wore Today

Simple enough job today, it seems, but I'll try to not let it be boring. ;)

Although I could hardly be described as picky about my clothing, I definitely have a bit of taste and I dislike wearing things that I do not feel are 'me'. This usually only includes things that are old and frumpy and make me look like my grandmother. (not that there's anything wrong with how either of them look...I'm just not ready to be 80 yet. My gramdmas are actually very cool. :) )

I have a taste in (tight) jeans...mostly bootcut. They're hard as heck to find, tho, because I can wear Junior's Longs pretty much only. I like my pants on the ground, and nothing else reaches! Yes, I have veeery long legs. :) And a small waist doesn't help...an 11 long would always be longer than a 5 long. But. *sigh* Yes, I'm thin and tall. Makes clothes shopping tough!

I also love graphic t-shirts. Wings, roses, swirls... Lots and lots of pater and images piled up on top of each other. Amazing. :)

I also like to play with my hair...there are days when it's straight, days when it's wavy, and days when it's curly. Today is curly. :) I like a little variety, tho I'm not a huge fan of haircuts. Seems too permanent to me! I just want to be able to change it when I feel like...and then be able to change it back again. :)

I tend to believe that the appearance of a person often controls other's opinion of them. Because I care very much what people think of me, this often plays into how I dress. There's a reason I favor tight denium and leather...there are lots of days when I want to appear to be a bit more badass than I really am. After all...I don't drive a sports car yet! I have to give the impression somehow. ;)

But more than anything else, I'm always trying to remember the stuff that my boyfriend likes the most and do and wear that stuff more than anything else. What matters most is what he thinks of me. And that's how it should be. :)

Today I'm wearing Ultra Long (yes, that's really a length...I have no idea where you buy them, I got mine in a thrift shop) jeans, a black t-shirt with a short-sleeve plaid shirt over the top. Right now it's cold in here so I'm wearing my Arizona Jean Co (favorite company ever, after American Eagle Outfitters!) black zip-up hoodie. No shoes...I seldom wear shoes in the house...just socks.

Tonight I have to work, so I'll be wearing black dress pants and a button up shirt...preferably my long sleeve if I can find it. And my sneakers. :)

Belief: Faith in That Which Cannot Be Seen

2011-01-14T08:45:00.000-06:00

DAY NINE: My Beliefs

Wow. Okay. Deep subject!

To start off with some really basic stuff.

I believe that God is the Creator of all. I believe that he made the world and put humans on earth to dominate it. I believe that He made man in his image, and woman for man. I believe that we are all sinners and Jesus died to save us by grace.

THAT SAID. I believe that 99% of 'Church doctrine' is just a lot of hot air. I believe that predestination is a bunch of bs, and I have pretty much no time for evangelism (fire, brimstone, tracts...) Maybe somebody has to do it, but it will never be me.

To further complicate things, I do not believe that Christianity is a set of rules or doctrine. And I absolutely, positively do not believe that it has to be done 'a certain way'. I don't believe there's one church...heck...I don't even really believe you NEED church. I believe that Christianity is more about Dark and Light than anything. I believe there is a God and there is a Devil and they are in constant combat for my soul.

But I don't know what denotes selling my soul to the Devil and what denotes giving it to God, so I'm going to let them fight it out, and in the meantime just follow my heart.

I believe that pre-Civil War the Democrats were the way to go. But somewhere in the late 1800s the roles reversed, and now the Democrats suck and the Republicans are marginally better.

I believe that Obama is a ass from hell and quite frankly I'd like John Wilkes Boothe around now. (tho I'm not a fan of Lincoln either. So I'd actually prefer JFK's assassin.)

I believe that with all my heart that with regard to the Civil War the South was entirely in the right, and had the South won our country would be very different today.

I believe in a Constitutional running of the government, and I believe that America is still one nation under God, and that as long as she remains one nation under God, she will be the greatest country in the world.

I believe that “Runway” looks are insane and anyone who considers that fashion has got a hole in their head. Unfortunately they're payed a lot of money for that hole, so couture remains very...strange. I believe that a better fashion tool than “Runway” or “Vogue” is looking at pictures of movie stars, who are much more practical about it and seldom use things such as dresses made up only of huge bows or fur lingerie. (seriously)

I believe that cats are greater the dogs, and if animals really ruled the world, cats would always be the royalty, dogs would always be the sportsmen, merchants and soldiers, ferrets would be the black ops assassins, and hampshires would be the dumb grunts.

I believe that poetry is a strange and altogether difficult to understand; why would one write in that style of prose, and who the hell would want to read it?

I believe that tattoos are cool. I want at least one someday.

I believe that whoever decided gold was more valuable than silver was crazy, but whoever decided that platinum was more precious than either had a head on their shoulders.

I believe that atheists must have some part of the brain missing to be able to believe that there is truly no God.

I believe that the Devil tortures us by giving us that certain inlaw that is impossible to deal with.

I believe that the white idea that skinny is good is wrong. I believe that the black idea that shapely is good is right. Ask any guy; I would bet he'd rather have curves than bones.

I believe that drinking is okay, but being an alcoholic destroys families, friendships, and can even destroy a person's life.

I believe that illegal aliens are stealing the jobs of the American people...and they should either get back where they came from or immigrate legally. Yes, our shores are open, but it's not fair to sneak over the border and take the work that we need here.

I believe that our declining economy can be turned around if we just stop the needless, mindless spending that America is so used to. I believe that if every American got out of credit card debt alone in the next 5 years the economy would be almost back to normal.

I believe that every American should own a gun and know how to use it. I believe that if this were true, crime would almost disappear.

I believe that music has a much deeper connection to our souls than most people think. I believe that God gave us music, and that if our DNA could be looked at properly...it would be music. “Do you believe in rock n' roll? Can music save your mortal soul?” I believe that music is what makes us who we are, I believe that music is what defines us. AND NOT CLASSICAL! I don't like classical. “Give me the beat boys and free my soul, let me get lost in your rock n' roll and drift away...”

I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I believe that every woman should have only one beholder that matters; her man.

I believe that God made women and men to be together.

I believe that Cory Zdanowicz is the most amazing man in the whole wide world, and I believe that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and he with me.

...and...crazy as it may seem...that last point is the most important here to me.

A Moment; A Mere Whisper of Time

2011-01-13T15:20:00.000-06:00

DAY EIGHT: A Moment

Our lives are made out of moments. Mere seconds of time, whisking by, never to return. If we deny the existence of moments, then our lives will be dark shadows of their full potential. For it is the moments that we remember. Those tiny fleeting seconds where our hearts swelled with love, broke with agony, or flamed with passion. I've found that if I think of a whole day or night as one space of time, it's hard for anything extraordinary to happy. It's too long. But if I think of making that same night a paradise of tiny moments...

A touch, a kiss, a smile.

Those are the things that change moments from sand to pearls of gold.

Last night was the best night of my life. I spent the evening with my boyfriend, mostly watching "Avatar". What made it so great? I'm not really sure. Maybe it was every kiss. All those moments, tiny seconds, when we were more interested in each other than the movie. Maybe it was all the moments we spent sitting together, arms around each other.

And maybe it was the companionship of all those moments that turned them into priceless gems.

I, for one, will never underestimate the power of a moment, a single second of time. Moments are so short, so brief, and some are remembered...forever.

Friendship, the Salt of the Earth

2011-01-12T13:25:00.000-06:00

DAY SEVEN: Your Best Friend

I've known Nina for over seven years now. When we first met I was nine, she was thirteen. Unlike most storybook friendships, we didn't 'click' right away. I was going through a hard time in my life as far as being awkward and annoying...and she'll tell you that at first she didn't really want to be my friend. But annoying as I might have been, I was persistent, and grew out of the stage.

We've been best buddies pretty much ever since.

In those seven years we've had fun days and bad days. We've fought, argued, laughed, made up, cried together, even lived together when she spent the summer with my family this year. We've worked together, written together, swam together, biked together, danced together. Her problems are mine, my triumphs are hers.

I helped her make her wedding dress, I was her maid of honor. Someday she'll be mine. Bad things can be made better by doing them together, and there's nothing more fun than hanging out at her and her hubby's apartment when he's at work...eating pizza, watching movies, bouncing on the bed, laughing and talking about girl stuff.

I <3 you Nina, thank you for being my bestest friend evvvvaaaahhhhh! *hugs*

Living in the Moment

2011-01-11T14:49:00.000-06:00

Day Six: My Day

It's been an ordinary Tuesday for me. They're almost all the same.

I got up around...7:30. Maybe leaning toward 8:00. I was tired, so when I was woken up at 7:00 I wasn't very prompt about getting up. After getting up I did some internet stuff, spent a few hours on my schoolwork.

After that was the weekly errand run that Becka and I always do together. We go up to the farm where we get some of our stuff, came back through town and got stuff from the library. I acquired a stack of CDs...cooool. :) Everything from Selena to Shania Twain to King Kat Cole and The Eagles.

A few movies came home too.

Now I'm at home sitting here writing this out. The rest of my evening will involve music, dinner, and a movie. Then bed!

Lovin' it. :)

If Love is But a Word, then the World is a Darker Place

2011-01-10T08:52:00.001-06:00

I've proven I'm not very good at this every single day stuff. But I'll still do my best!

DAY FIVE: Your Definition of Love

Hmmm. Love. Can something so big, so all-consuming, so central to our existence be defined in simple language? Can something that makes us happy, makes us sad, gives us the desire to live and takes it away be described like eggs or carpeting? Can the very reason for our existence be put into mortal words?

Because love is all of those things. It is the thing of dreams and nightmares. Treated properly, another may still abuse it. Treated improperly, one has doomed themselves to a living hell. But sometimes...once in a lifetime for many...there is a gem of love, purer than gold, harder than a diamond. A love that will last despite the storms and trials of life. A love that will glow and grow and become greater and brighter until at last death shall sweep it away to new horizons where it can flourish...unchecked.

We live for love. We live to love and to be loved. A loved child is a happy child. An unloved child is a sad one, and much more likely to stray to evil.

Love is selflessness. It is full giving of every bit of your body and soul. Complete and total surrender to another. It is the giving that dims all other giving. It is truly and fully caring about someone else more than yourself, to the point of dying for them. Pure, complete, unconditional love.

Love is not the ability to live with someone for the rest of your life. Love is the inability to live without someone for the rest of your life. If the consideration in your mind is 'oh, I think I could live with this person'; then love is not flaming in your heart. Instead, love is when you cannot imagine spending a day or an hour without that person. It's when every moment of separation is a trial. Every day is a countdown until you see them again.

And love is never about me. It's always about the other person. In true love, what you love and enjoy isn't important anymore. It's all about what the other person loves and enjoys.

And can you see how, if both parties view it that way, then in reality both will have what they want...but given them by the other? How two will become one, bonded together by the unbreakable bonds of love...the selfless giving that God, in His ultimate goodness, gave us as the ultimate blessing on earth?

Food that Fills the Stomach...

2011-01-07T08:14:00.000-06:00

DAY FOUR: What I Ate Today

I find this topic a little random, and also not very good because I'm writing this in the morning... I'd leave it for this evening but as it stands I know I shall forget if I do. SO. :)

For breakfast, I had sourdough bread, toasted, with butter and honey. Yum yum. :) Last night for dinner I had beef soup. Or maybe venison soup. I'm not really sure which. Tonight, I shall have chili and cornbread.

I love food. :)

A Father and Mother; a Complete Home

2011-01-06T08:43:00.001-06:00

DAY 3: Your Parents

My parents... What to say? They're amazing, and they're annoying. They're fantastic and they're horrible. In other words...they're great parents, but normal. :) I suppose a lot of the faults I think I see in them are probably more teenage me than them! :)

Both of my parents didn't get married until later in life...so they're both older now. Almost fifty and over fifty. In one way--that's okay. In another, I kind of mind, because a) it makes me looots younger than all my cousins, and b) because they've hit the point with regards to lots of things where they don't find them fun any more. (amusement parks, strenuous activity). Mom still has most of her funness left, which does tend to make up for the fact that Dad has just about none left... *sigh*

They've homeschooled me all my life, which I'm a little mixed on. Now...it's great. But when they didn't have it figured out in the beginning... The first 6 years of my education were anything but good. Actually, it was more like 8. Anyway, it was horrible. *sigh* I hope to never do the same thing to my kids.

But it's turned around now so I'm not going to hold any grudges on that matter.

In some ways, my parents are more willing to let me go and do things than some people's parents are. And in other ways they're a little more strict. When it comes to my boyfriend...they're a pain in the ass. We pretty much can't go anywhere just the two of us, which bothers me big time. I'm hoping that changes once I'm 17 and deff once I go to college next fall!!!

Overall, tho, I love my parents. They've been very good to me, raised me well, and given me all the best chances I could possibly get in life. Thanks Mom & Dad. :)

Love When You're Least Expecting It

2011-01-05T10:45:00.000-06:00

Not two days in and I missed a day... :P Bad me!

DAY TWO: Your First Love

Hmmm. As I sit here and look at the topic I wonder if it means my first love or my first crush... Because I've had both; tho only one of each.

First crush...probably close to three years ago now. An internet friend from England, one Matt Andrews. We were great friends, talked every day. And...I was crazy about him. It was a long time before he knew; but even after... With a whole ocean in between, what are people supposed to do? Anyway, looking back on it I think I was far more interested in something coming of the friendship than he was. Despite this, I always said that if either of us met someone near us; that was the thing to do and the way to go. We shouldn't hold back.

Well, then Cory came along. At first it put a rift between Matt and I, but we're friends again now. Just friends. He's now got a girlfriend, I have Cory, and I'm pretty sure that our significant others are more perfect for us than the other one ever was.

I know that's true for me.

But he was definitely my first crush...and I spent the better part of two years wanting him.

But true love... Ah. True love comes in the form of a guy, not quite six feet, short brown hair. Glasses. Cory Zdanowicz. Son of the bartender at the restaurant I work at; and also works there sometimes. That's how I met him. Outrageously funny. Different. Even quirky. He's faithful, reliable, dependable. I never have to worry about whether or not he'll want to help me with something or be involved in my life.

He loves my family, but most of all he loves me. He sends me these sweet little notes all the time, ones that are enough to make me want to cry sometimes. They're so sweet! I hope he'll be with me forever. He says he will, so I can only pray.

We've been going out over four months now. I would say that I've been madly in love with him for at least two of them. Madly.

Whether you're reading this or not, Cory, I LOVE YOU, and I always will! *kisses*

Hello, This is Me :)

2011-01-03T08:57:00.002-06:00

For the information of all (few) readers of my blog, I've been getting lax about writing again, and so to spice it up for awhile at least I'm going to be working through a blogging...thing. There's a topic for every day for 30 days. I intended to start on Saturday but it didn't happen. It didn't happen yesterday either. So. Without further ado...

DAY ONE: Introduce Yourself.

Introductions. I abhor them, just for the record.

I'm tallish, have reddish hair, and blueish eyes that are almost closer to gray. I love fast cars, airplanes, movies, Doctor Who, and most of all, my boyfriend, Cory Zdanowicz. He's my favorite person in the whole world; I'd rather be with him than to eat or sleep. <3 He's everything to me.

I've always been a bit of a Wild One, rogue, almost. Cory's toning me down, I think. A little stability in my life is good, and I actually love it.

I like to say that I'm not a work-a-holic, but I certainly work more than most 16 yr olds that I know! :) I have one job now which I'm working all thru the winter as I finish my senior year of being homeschooled. In the summer I have two. At least. :)

The whole reason for jobs is to pay for cars and college. College in particular at the moment for me. In the fall I'll be going to Nicolet Tech College, our area tech school. I'll be going for two years to get my Associate's Degree in Criminal Justice. Yes; I'm going to be a cop.

Why? Because I want to make the world a right and safe place. A place I'd really like to get into in Juvee or Child Protection Services. I've known people who have dealt with abuse, and I'd like to be in a position where I can fix it, not just watch.

Other than that there's probably not much else you want to know about me. Random facts about my dressing habits... I love jeans and graphic t-shirts. I wear makeup, but only eyeshadow and mascara--mascara brown not black. And I straighten my hair. :)

Random facts about what I like to watch as far as movies... I love spy movies, but I am a real sucker for movies with a romantic theme. What can I say...I'm a girl. :) But I adore action...and car movies (think "The Fast and the Furious"!) are AMAZING. "Transformers"--DA BOMB! "Pirates of the Caribbean" is also incredible. :D

TV...yes...I'm a Doctor Who fan. BIG TIME! :)

And as far as my taste in cars... I used to be pretty much a straight Chevy-Pontiac (preferably Pontiac!) person, but Cory is a Ford man, and it's...um...rubbing off. Big time. Oops. :D

Goal Accomplished

2010-11-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

Last night I made my 30K mark with only 20 minutes left to go until midnight. (I figure any writing done after midnight counts as the work of the next day).

30,831 to be exact. My novel has taken a strange turn; God keeps on appearing in the back seat of the car (?!) my main characters have stopped fighting (there goes a big plot area!) and I now am not fighting only ONE group that desires to dominate the world...no now we have TWO! The world leaders and the would-be world leaders.

Terrific. :)

7K in less than 2 1/2 hours!

2010-11-04T09:26:00.000-05:00

Last night I drank some coffee, ate some chocolate, and sat down to write.

Over the course of the day I'd done a measly 1000 words. I was stuck, just past 15K, wanting to hit the 20K mark but never imagining I could make it there.

Two and a half hours later I was nearing 23K!

If I'd had my way...I'd have pressed on and made 25K. But my younger sister was making a fuss because she couldn't sleep with me up, and she really wanted to go to sleep.

Happy with my success, I decided it wasn't worth fighting over.

So the goal of today? I think I should be able to make 30K. At least.

It's really rather meager compared to last year when I was making 50K today...but what the hell. I'll take what I can this year! Considering that I thought it would be tough to make it to 50K at all... Yea. I'm in no position to complain! :D

Good Writing and Bad Writing.

2010-11-03T08:22:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was, over-all, a pretty lousy writing day. I only did 4000 words.

That said... I went back and in my not-wanting-to-write spirit was reading "A Fire is Woken". Damn! We were GOOD! Still are...but that book rocks. Off the charts. AMAZING. I'm surprised. :)

Many Updates

2010-11-02T08:23:00.000-05:00

Ohuho! I've been far too long between posts! Shame on me!

The wedding was beautiful. Seriously, it was all I could have hoped for! I can only thank Josh, and Cory, and my Mom for being SO HELPFUL that day! We needed them. :) But the wedding went off beautifully, and I'm happy.

The link to photos is... http://s826.photobucket.com/albums/zz187/IrishAnnie94/Clark%20Wedding/

So you can check those out. So far we don't have the best photos taken yet...the semi-professional ones. Those should be coming soon.

And the boyfriend left for Florida. Since he's been gone he's called me every day. <3 So sweet! I still miss him dreadfully, tho. I think I always will when he's away... It seems like way, way, way too long until he gets back... Three WEEKS! o.O I'm going to die of loneliness before he comes back to me... *sigh*

...and last night NaNo started. Every crazy, silly, insane bit of it. And I sat there and told myself I only had to do 2000 words. That I didn't need to rush. When I sat down at the compy at almost 9:00 after work, I had 3500 words from earlier. When I crashed at midnight? I'm at 10,000+. *sigh* Another year of Ruth the over-achiever is coming, I can tell!

I've sworn to not let my schoolwork slide, tho, which is tough because I tend to want to write instead of do school. ARG. Essays are particularly bad. (oh yes, did I mention? First day of NaNo and I had two essays... I'd put them off on Friday, and, yea. Silly me!)

But all is good and fun in the world of NaNo. Now give me my boyfriend back and I'll be truly happy! :) But NaNo would prob slide big time, so maybe that's not the best idea... Bleh...

Last Minute Nerves

2010-10-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

I have to say very honestly that with the wedding tomorrow I'm awfully glad the boyfriend is coming over today or else I think I'd loose it! I generally hate leaving stuff for the last minute; and there's an awful lot of that going on Here! It's pretty tough for me to deal with.

But Cory will come and help me out and I'll fell lots better--I know it. That crazybwonderful guy has that affect on me. :)

We have the dresses done, tho. So that's out of the way. I'm not going to even worry about the food or else I'll bust because that is soooo.... Tanner's department and he's treating it as such.

But if we can make it through today... We can only pray that from here on out everything is smooth sailing. :)

Wedding Update.

2010-10-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

ALL DRESSES MINE, BECKA'S, AND NINA'S... DOOOOOONE!!!

Tanner is cooking like crazy. We have the space mostly set up; now just to decorate!

I'm SO excited, and I'm so NOT excited that the boyfriend is leaving the day after the wedding...

*sigh*

And I'm really maxed out. :P

Updates in my Crazy Life

2010-10-20T09:05:00.000-05:00

Status of my maid of honor dress: PROJECT COMPLETED
Status of Becka's bridesmaid dress: PROJECT COMPLETED
Status of Nina's wedding dress: PROJECT NOT SO COMPLETED

*sigh*

Decorating and setting up starts tomorrow. Tanner should be starting the cooking today. Essentially, everything is coming down to the wire. This is it, that insane last week before the big day. We've had to deal with pretty much every problem that could possibly come along on this one...and it's not Sunday yet.

Erm...I don't think I wanted to remind myself of that. :P

And then on Monday Cory leaves for Florida for a very long time (a whole month!) o.O Which reminds me, I still need to ask my parents if it's okay for me to go down with him and his stepmom and see him off. I shouldn't forget these things like this... As he put it, putting it off won't help...the worst they can say is no. :)

Hopefully he'll be able to come over to the resort and help us clean and set up tomorrow. I'm hoping. Really, this week has been crazy...and I'm sure that by the time it's over I won't have seen him nearly as much as I'd like! BUT...he has tons to do and so do I; so no use really worrying about it too much.

It is what it is.

And I think that's just how I'm going to have to keep myself feeling right up to the day of the wedding or else I'll come completely unglued! :)

Simple Things

2010-10-18T07:58:00.000-05:00

I've always been a great fan of little things. Little things that make you way happier than the big things ever could. This week I think I'm really learning the importance of those little, little things that make life great.

A BIG THING that's coming up is Nina's wedding on October 24th. A wedding, a whole wedding, with lots of guests and some dancing and everything. My dress is done--thank God!--and Becka's is close. I have to hem it. That's about it.

I'm really happy with how the dresses have been turning out. I've worked my ass off on them, of course, but I think it's paying off. :) One thing for certain--they don't look cheap! They look anything but. :) And they don't feel cheap either. Fully lined, every edge carefully finished... Even the zipper tape on Becka's is covered!

It's an amazing project; but I'm going to be very, very glad to have it done.

Then I have to get all the music for the wedding carefully organized and accessible. When all is said and done...it will have been a very, very large project.

I'm sure it will be a good day, tho.

In the meantime, I'm trying to find the little things that will make all this work going into the big thing enjoyable. Last night we had Elmer (a good family friend), Tanner, Nina, and Cory over for dinner. It was a RIOT! We had so much fun! Laughed like crazy.

In the process Cory tickled me one too many times...so I started going after him. However, the trouble is that being in public school and being ticklish means that his reflexes are FAST. Very fast! By the end of the night it turned into a whole 'thing', and we finally had to quit before we broke something.

But it was fun all the same. :)

Now what else to do to keep myself loving life and not committing suicide over dresses, music, and seating? :)

Dress--FINISHED!

2010-10-15T08:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I finished my maid of honor dress yesterday! Thought y'all might like to see a pic of it...

In other news... The boyfriend is coming over today and we're going to work on his truck. We're putting halogen bulbs in the headlights...which will make the truck even sexier than it already is. :) I love it. :) What I don't love is that it's taken us a whole WEEK to get a day when we could do it. I haven't seen him since SUNDAY and I miss him SO MUCH!

Nina was over yesterday and we worked on wedding stuff. She was late so we didn't get as much done as I think most of us hoped for; but ah well. Becka has her dress all cut out; now we just need to work on sewing it. And Nina's dress is getting close-ish to being done. She has a few more godets to baste in and then I have to sew them in. Then zipper...and hem...and that's it! I'm looking forward to being done with that outrageously large project. *sigh*

We also worked on music for the wedding. I don't think any of us are really sure how much dancing there will be--after all--how many people are going to want to dance? I know Cory and I do! Nina will probably make Tanner dance at least one dance with her. Because of where we're doing it we don't really have a ton of space; but we'll use what we have and have a great time! Of this I am absolutely sure. :)

Music seems to be a lot of country. I'm happy about that. Some fast, some slow.

We'll have a good time, that's for sure! And that's what's really important...

Live Streaming of Sports

2010-10-12T08:24:00.000-05:00

I have just been inspecting the schedule for football this coming Sunday. It seems that it works out so that, if I can find a place to watch, I could see both the Buccaneers and the Vikings games! :) How cool would that be?

But here is my problem. We don't get TV...so I need to find a place to watch online. Anybody know a place where they stream live sports?

Sewing, sewing, sewing.

2010-10-11T11:31:00.000-05:00

I've been working on my maid of honor dress for Nina's wedding for the past three hours or so. Exhausted. Bored. But at least the tons and tons and tons of little pieces are turning into bigger pieces. The bodice isn't even close to being done, but I'm getting a little bit closer. I think. I like think. :) *sigh* This is a very, very long, tedious job! And I haven't even started on the lining... *groan*

Please, somebody. I just want to go back to bed and SLEEP! :P

Fraternizing with the Help

2010-10-09T12:29:00.001-05:00

So last night Chef Tanner (Mr. Smart-Alec) informed Cory that he was 'not to fraternize with the help'. One Tanner is to talk! Cory and I are dating...but he's marrying Nina! (who also works at the same restaurant. Yes, I know. It's one big soap opera. :) ) Cory proceeded to kiss me right in front of Tanner.

Priceless. :)

In other news... I finally found shoes for Nina's wedding! It's not like I have a shortage of shoes, mind you. I've got enough shoes to last me for a lifetime! No, the issue is more that I love to collect shoes...with 4" heels. And I don't know about you other flat-footed people out there, but I can't wear shoes with heels like that for very long! Needless to say, I had to find something lower.

And flats do bad, bad things to my legs. Not to mention that I only had one pair of flats and they're not that comfortable either. So I was in a thrift shop today...and found the CUTEST pair of shoes. They've got about an inch a half heel and they fit perfect. But they do all the things for my feet and legs that big heels do.

I'm happy.

Another good reason for me to not wear my big-ass heels is also that I would be quite a bit taller than my date. :) That wouldn't be so great... ;)

I intend now to go and start on my dress. (yes, we're sewing the dresses ourselves. It's a pain in the ass, but a lot of things are. ;) ) With two weeks to go, I'd bettered get my butt in gear! :D

An Exciting and Wonderful Life

2010-10-08T10:21:00.002-05:00

I know I pretty much deserted this blog after April. My bad, I know. I've been putting a lot of work into a new writing blog which has many more followers and is a lot more of a marketing perk if I ever try to do anything with my writing. That is currently stalled, tho, I'm not even writing right now.

All the girl Sherren cousins when they were here for Ann's (middle) wedding!

Before y'all die of horror at that thought... It's more that my life is busy than anything. It's more that I'm choosing to live in the here and the now instead of the worlds of my fantasies. It's that my whole crazy world has been turned on it's head and I'm just trying to keep up with it at the moment!

Nina's Diamond Ring!

Yes, lots of things changed over the summer. First my best friend moved in with my family. Then she met a guy....and next thing you know it lead to a diamond ring. Now we're sewing her wedding dress and looking forward to the big party at the end of October. (they already eloped, but that's another thing).

And I was working 80 hours a week for 10 weeks of summer. I've now quit one of my two jobs, but still have the other one. That's okay; because I really love it. My car ran and broke a million times. :D It's currently running...even if not very well.

Boyfriend and I

Ready for my first movie date!

And then at the end of last month I got a boyfriend. Or, it wasn't the end of last month... It would have been the be
ginning of last month. Beginning of September. His family likes me, mine likes him, and we get to hang out all the time. How cool is that? My family has an open-door policy... basically that anybody can stop over at any time. He takes us up on it...yesterday he spent five hours over here just messing around with us. We worked on his truck (very awesome truck) went riding, moved hay around...

Cory and I on the ponies

It was a fun day, a very, very fun day. And I couldn't be happier.

I'm going to try to get back into the swing of managing this blog as well as my other one. I think that first this one needs some touch-ups. A smoother image, perhaps. We'll see. ;)

And maybe I'll get some readers back. If nothing else... Well. It's funny to think that my words are just swirling around unread in cyber space. :)

My besties and I at my cousin's wedding.

Car Keys

2010-04-20T14:29:00.000-05:00

I am so behind with this blog! Sorry to all of those who have kept on checking back to find nothing new! My world has been crazy-busy recently; and blogging has had to go by the wayside.

Business includes trying to work it out for my best friend to live with us this summer...which is coming to fruition tomorrow! *three cheers*

But more importantly--DRIVING. I know I blogged about it when I first started and how much I loved it...yada yada. Which was all great and well and everything. But the more I did it the more I loved it... At about ten am on the 29th of March I passed my roads test and got my State of Wisconsin driver's license.

Exactly one week before that we brought home my car. My Dad bought it and payed to get it fixed; but as long as I pay upkeep (registration and insurance) it's mine. 1990 Honda Accord 4dr sport sedan. 5-speed manual tranny, and now we've got premi tires on it. Metalic brown. A little bit rusty, but not bad. And it...wow. The thing is HOT. Drives so sweet... We had to do brakework, fix a gas leak. Put new bearings on the front and give it new tires. But now...

Boy she drives. You can do seventy in third gear without blinking. Clutch is nice and stiff and the tranny hums. It's got a tape-deck, but I bought a converter to run to my iPod... Tomorrow will by my first solo in the baby--hope the tranny doesn't give me too much trouble! It'll be just me and my sister, so I can try out the converter--blasting Beyonce all the way to Park Falls sounds pretty sweet. ;)

Bout a week ago I went to the nearest 'city' with my best friend... Had a spot of trouble with the muffler on the Town and Country van... It busted on us. It was going anyway, and my Dad isn't mad at me, so I'm okay with it. :D

Over-all, it's been a great spring, and I'm hoping for an even greater summer. :D

On the Topic of Cleanliness...

2010-02-10T10:08:00.002-06:00

I am a natural messy.

I am sure of it.

Every weekend Mum makes us clean so that the house is nice for the week. The theory in and of itself is good. And it is good for me because someone needs to whack me over the head every now and then and make me tidy things up.

It's not that I leave everything exactly where I had it when I was working with it. I'm pretty good about picking things up and putting them away.

There's just one trouble.

I seem to have the bad habit of never picking up EVERYTHING.

So...when the weekend comes around, my room is shnarky. Because there is the pen that I was writing with and never put away. I picked up the notebooks and all, but I left the pen. There's the bits of wire from making jewelry. I picked up the beads and wire rolls, but I left the clippings from when I trimmed the pieces when I was done. There is the movie that I took the time to put back in the case; but I never took the time to put the case back on the shelf. There's the book that I was reading and just never made it back where it came from.

Batteries, pencils, rulers... They all get left; too trivial of things to bother about picking up.

But the truth of it is that they build up, and build up until everything is in such a state of a mess that it will be the project of a lifetime to clean it up!

I'm the sort of person that hums happily through life thinking that everything is dandy as can be... Never mind, I'll take care of that tomorrow.

I think I'd bettered stop that, or I'll be hopeless somewhere along the line, not able to keep anything in order.

That's true about a lot of things in our life, though, isn't it? They're things that we think too small to bother about, when really they escalate and make it so that we've got terrible troubles later on. The tiny things can be our downfall.

That said...

I still dislike cleaning my room. ;)

Co-Writing

2010-01-06T13:31:00.000-06:00

So Nina and I have been asked multiple times about how we co-write and we've put together an interview of sorts. Enjoy!

Why did you decide to co-write?

Well...it wasn't exactly my idea. I'm not the one of this duo who spawns life-changing decisions like that. (Alright, alright, Nina. That's a lie. I wasn't the one who spawned THAT life-changing decision.) Nina was writing a novel and offered me a character. My reaction? “What the heck! Worth giving a try!” The rest is just kinda history.

One novel decided to be two novels. Decided to be a trilogy. Decided there were other stories to be told. And yes. The inventor of each of those novels (the theory, not the plots) was yours truly here. Basically one of those “hey, Nina, I think we should do a sequel” sort of deals. Not popular at first... But after a while she had to concede that I had a good idea. ;)

Do you approach writing differently?
So differently that it's kinda freaky! I mean, seriously! Nina tends to come toward it with a pad of paper and a pen, ready to outline the whole thing. She wants to have everything figured out. She wants to make sure that it all works. That Part A merges smoothly into Part B... She's the one who outlines, who writes, who 'does does does'.

Me? I'm the one who goes bumbling about my humble existence coming up with these (truly brilliant) ideas. So, at the end of the day, when I'm full of fantastic ideas like a vacuum cleaner full of dirt, then I sit down and dial Nina's number. For the next hour or so I present my ideas and they are either accepted or shot down. I'd like to say that most of them are accepted first try...but that would be another lie. :)

In the same way... Three days later Nina calls me up. “Ruth, I think the book is horrible. We'll never finish. It won't work. The characters stink. The narration sucks. The description is rot. It's a failure. I'm so miserable!” And my reaction? “Oh, futz. Not again.” Then I spend the next hour telling her why it's great and why we can make it work... Of course then I have to go and get off the phone and open up the document and make fixes so I can send it to her... “Can do.” That's the kind of person I am. But Nina...heck. Nobody can work a novel out better than she can.

Can readers tell which of you wrote which parts?
Nina's opinion to this is no. I tend to think that's a little incorrect. Any scene from Nina's character's point of view is inexorably hers. I am a lazy sort of person. She sometimes writes my characters but I never take it upon myself to write hers. :) That said... We both tinker with each other's characters a lot. I think Nina is better at writing my characters than I hers—cuz I CANNOT, for the life of me, imitate her writing style. I tend to think that when it comes right down to it she has a hard time with mine too. If that character is GENUINE my style. :)

Do you ever have conflict over where you want the story to go?
Never a lasting one. There have been some petty squabbles starting out about where the novel was going to go. Sometimes there's a scene that Nina wants to go one way and I want to go the other. But for the most part it was all talked about so much before hand that it's really not an issue. Pretty much every scene that involves both our characters was talked out line-of-dialogue-for-line-of-dialogue before we ever started writing it. That eliminates a lot of problems.

What is the best thing about co-writing?
Probably the combination of the different talents. Nina is fantastic at outlining. At finishing. At working out the little details. I'm the ideas person. Nina says an idea is rot? My answer? “Okay! I'll think up another one!” I think that's the best part. Seriously. We really fit each other perfectly.

What is the worst thing about co-writing?
Because we work everything out together, the novel often progresses really slowly compared to everything else that we write. And I mean...usually even if a novel takes me a long time to write, in the periods when I'm not writing it's 'out of sight out of mind'. Our novels it's never like that so the true fact of the matter is that it's A LOT of really intensive work. Hours and hours and days and days... Our first novel was over a year and a half on the first draft. Second draft? Six months. Third draft we're still polishing after two years of consecutive effort on the novel from start to finish. I'd say three years by the time all is said and done. That's a LONG time to put into a novel. For me—for anyone else too. And that isn't even counting agents and editors and all that we'll have to do once we get to the publishing floor.

Sometimes that bothers me. I get bored. I get ready to move onto a NEW idea. (Did I mention I love new ideas but am not so great at carrying through?!) That's where Nina really helps me out by working to get it done.

I know there have been times I've said to her “I just want to be finished”. So I guess the very drawn-out-ness of the project is what I find most exhausting.

Both of you write alone as well. How is that different from co-writing?
For me, I need to write alone. Much as I love co-writing I really need the release of writing on my own. When I'm writing a novel with Nina I have to be ultra-sure that everything in the novel is something that would meet her 100% approval—more than that that she'd like it. I can't always put 'me' stuff in. If I have a character in a co-written novel who obsesses about motorcycles, Nina would... Well, let's not even contemplate that.

So for me writing alone is the most awesome thing because it's my chance to go and write something that's really ME. Not Nina. Not us together. And I love that. I cannot describe just how much I love that. It's super-necessary for me. This November was a good example. I wrote a secular novel about a rough-cut, renegade FBI agent. A secular, rambling, yet action-packed, fantasy treasure-hunt novel. And a short secular novel about a dog who plays detective. None of them were co-writing projects. But I loved each one of them. They were MY novels.

I love co-writing but I think I'll always write on my own.

Do you plan to always write together?
I cannot ever imagine getting out of the vicious cycle. :p For starters, I enjoy it too much. And when I enjoy something I'm not very prone to letting it fall by the wayside. Secondly, Nina seems to think that she NEEDS me to ever make anything of herself in the publishing world. (HA!)

In which case it seems that I'm stuck. ;)

We have multiple books planned ahead. Two years and we've got four novels planned ahead. The saddest part is that I have written scenes for all but two of them. Seriously. “A Fire Dwindles”, the third book in our WINGS OF FIRE trilogy, has not had ANY work done on it because much as I think that series needs to be a trilogy to round it out properly, Leibstraub is still VERY foggy to me and I'm not champing at the bit to have my hands on him.

The other, a Korea novel loosly connected to WOF, I have not done anything on because I feel that it's way too close to conception yet. I have no feel for it, although I know the character inside and out. Actually...I know him outside...but inside? It'll be interesting to get into his POV. But, even though Nina has not outlined it yet, I've done quite a bit of writing for “Enemy in Our Midst”, a Civil War novel. Fascinated with the subject, I cannot seem to let it alone! And, also un-outlined, I've done some writing on “Shadow of a Whirlwind”, a pirates/War of 1812 story set in New Orleans... That one because it intrigues me.

So, considering that I'm 'involved' in that many novels already...and have no intentions of letting any of them go by the wayside... Oh yeah. I'll be doing this for a while yet. :) And, knowing me, before we're done with these novels I'll have ANOTHER great idea... Actually, come to think of it...

What advice would you give to people trying co-writing for the first time?
It sounds rhetorical and to-be-expected, but make sure that you can work together. I'd say that A) you have to be pretty close friends, and B) you have to be able to work together and compliment each other.

Close friends, because there are so many stumbling blocks that you can hit when you're writing a novel together. There's characters. There's morality issues. There's 'I want this word in but the other person doesn't'. There's an issue that Nina and I have hit that (thank heaven) hasn't been a huge source of contention, but it's the issue of going Secular or Christian. Ideally I want to go Secular. She wants to go Christian. It's not a fight...right now I'm willing to let her go Christian with it. But if I were to do it, I'd pursue it Secular. There are those issues to deal with! And I think you need to remember that.

And when I say you have to compliment each other, just that you don't want two planners (outlining sorts) or two idea-people. You don't want two writers or two editors. Two optimists would work. But I can tell you sure as hell that two pessimists is a recipe for disaster.

Just think about it a lot before you go in. Don't fly into it all ready for it to work. Because there's a lot of variables. Try to not ignore them or overlook them. If you do, it might hurt you and the other person, and the work will certainly suffer.

Co-Writing is a big thing. Big responsibility. Big job. But it's rewarding if you do it right.

The last five words are the key part of this whole thing. :)

Twenty-Ten

2010-01-03T09:24:00.002-06:00

Two thousand and ten. Twenty-ten. New year. New decade.

It's funny how those things are. Even the new century—didn't feel any different. Not really. As in, the wind wasn't colder or hotter. The sun wasn't brighter. No, of course not. That would be ridiculous.

But there is a difference. A new year. Each new year feels like a new chance to me. A new chance to be SOMETHING. I'm not sure what. Something greater? Bolder? Stronger? To be what you wanted to be the year before but never attained? To be what you've wanted to be all your life? Another try at your dreams? Another...

It's new! It's fresh and it's clean like a new piece of paper. And the oddest thing is that those two things are so similar! When I'm writing and I've got a clean sheet of paper in front of me I can usually not think of a single thing to say. All of a sudden it seems a shame to put anything on that clean sheet of paper that is less than perfect.

That's always the way I feel about a new year. It's a new year. A new chance to be better. And yet—I'm always a little worried that I'll fail. That I'll mar a new year. Something so fresh and clean.

It's not that I can help marring it. Not in the least. I'm not a perfect person.

I've been learning new things recently. Within the past year or so. I s'pose it comes mostly from growing up. Growing up tends to do that to you. And I think the strongest thing I've learned is that nothing is perfect. Nothing can be perfect. Not in this daft world. There will always be things that go wrong. Trials and heartbreaks. Bad dreams and sadness. Tribulation. Fire. Testing. But it's not that those things can make our lives any worse.

In fact, I've began to see that if used properly, those things can make our lives better. They strengthen us. Try us. Act the same way a villain does in a movie. Without a villain the hero looks ordinary. But introduce evil and the good seems all the brighter.

People like to ask me what my New Years Resolution is, and it's a question I ordinarily hate because I've never made them before. But, what with the changing of the winds and all, I have this year.

I've resolved to look at life through a more positive light. Trying to see everything as a potential good. I've also resolved to live my life as fully as I can. After all—who knows how long I've got on this nutty world? What with all the talk of the end of the world and such, one can never be sure. I might not have that long.

In which case I am bloody well going to enjoy every second I've got!

Looking at it that way, I think 2010 is going to be a GREAT year.

I turn sixteen this year. That's thrilling!

I'm going be be getting a driver's license at the end of March, and hopefully a car around the same time.

I'm going to enjoy my life to the full. Once I've got my driver's license I'll be able to go and do things I never could before. I'm gonna do them.

I'm going to work like hell. That sounds daft to be put in as a good thing, but the truth of the matter is that working means money. And money means I can do things I want to do.

I've got a Wausau trip planned with my best friend as a celebratory thing after I get my license. We'll go shopping, have dinner, and go to a movie. I'll probably have to plan something for with my sister too. ;)

I really want to go to Milwaukee next fall. September or October. Nina would come with me, if we can work it. I'm not at all sure if my parents will okay it, but it would be a nice chance to have a week together for the two of us, and also a chance for me to check out Aviation colleges. Do a bit of scouting. Maybe meet up with some friends. ( ;) Matt ;) ) Maybe my cousins down in Chicago/Milwaukee would want to get together some evening too. WHO KNOWS? But it would be a blast.

This next year could very well bring my first real publishing credit. That would be something. If we're lucky, Nina and I might even get an agent for our novel.

There are three weddings in my family this next year. I'm not sure how many we'll be able to make it to, but one for certain. I'm really looking forward to those!

And how many other little things? How much can happen in one year? I'm really excited to find out. :)

Lights, Cameras, ACTION!

2009-12-31T18:14:00.000-06:00

I have been spending the past three days filming--almost solid. Mitzi Rowan (Never Annoy the Director) has been working on the second film in her "Time Watch" series and I played camera man on the shoot! I've been so busy! But we got all the filming done, which is extra-special for her since it is her first movie ever finished! I'm thrilled that we actually got the filming done!

And I actually got quite good at saying, "Cameras rolling and...ACTION!" :D

Blessings

2009-12-17T13:27:00.002-06:00

Well, Christmas time is rolling around again. Christmas can be a frustrating season for me, so I usually try to think of all my blessings at this time of year. Remind myself of all the things Jesus gave me...

I was surprised by just how many wonderful things I had when I really thought about it.

~I have a wonderful family, both right here, and extended. I love them to bits and I don't deserve them in the least. They're fun, and they're kind, and I know I've got something really special here that I don't think a lot of people have.

~I have people all around me that care about me. Friends—family...

~I have enough. I know I complain a lot about what I DON'T have...particularly monetarily...but I was just realizing the other day how luck I am and how I really have enough when it comes down to it. Okay—I don't have designer close. I've got some pretty darn good replicas! I might not have enough for a new car but I'll be able to get a used car and I think I can get something pretty amazing. I have enough. I've never been lacking. I was just realizing this year how much I DO have. I have spending money for probably the first time in my life! I worked for it. That makes it all the better.

~I have a lot of future in front of me. I'm a person that doesn't think about tomorrow, I live in the madness of here and now. In the frustrations. In the exhilaration. In the lows. In the highs. I'm not a person who thinks about tomorrow. And I actually sat back and thought about it... My problems here are so petty! I think two and a half years sounds like forever until I move out—but in the scope of things it's nothing. I've got a lot in front of me.

~I might not have the sports and activities that I wish I did, but I've got some pretty awesome stuff as is. I love my graphics, my writing... I also love Conquer Club, my online gaming site. It's based off of RISK, and I'm not the best player but I really enjoy playing. I joined a competitive clan six months ago...and recently have been really participating in the clan... That's been awesome. Those guys have been friends, accomplices, teammates... People that stretch me. Push me to my limits. Make me stronger. And are there when I'm feeling down. The Outlaws & Highwaymen have been good to me, and I'm thankful.

~I've got God-given talents. I've wanted to be someone ordinary for a very long time, and it just never happened. I think I know why. It's because I'm not somebody ordinary. I've never been. I've got things that other people don't have. Other people might have talents and expertise that I don't have. That shouldn't bother me. I've got some pretty amazing stuff to work with. I'm starting to realize that, maybe, instead of always trying to push ahead and do what I want I should work with what God's given me instead...

~Friends. I'm putting this last, because if anything it's the most important thing on the list next to family, which was first. It's not because it's least important. I've been homeschooled all my life and the result is that I never made the public-school friends that everybody else has. There are times when I miss this, and there are time when I'm madly lonely for someone to just 'do' things with. But, you know what, even if they are spread all across the world, I've got some of the most freakin' awesome friends! I don't know what I'd do without any of them, and that's an honest-to-goodness fact.
* My best friend has been my friend for SIX YEARS. I can't imagine life without her now. Nina Hansen—I love you dearly. Thank you for being my very, very close friend.
* With the internet amazing things are possible. Before the internet it would have been almost impossible to have a 'friendship' with someone from overseas. Now... Another good friend, Matt “Masket” Andrews is from England. Friends through Conquer Club, now we use Facebook. RISK is an unorthodox way to start a friendship, but functional in my experience. ;)
* Natalie—I love you. I swear someday I shall come down and visit you if it busts me. :D * Ethel “HatStand”--you have been a great friend. I think it will be a long, long time before I forgot our 'virtual shopping'. :D
* Kelsey “Alyosha” Kline—you have been the greatest critiquer and historical nerd I have ever met. What else can be said?
* Rob “Agent”. As previously said, “your information is priceless but you ego is disgusting”. You've been a good friend and the best walking encyclopedia ever. :P
* Hannah Spotts! Don't know what I'd do without your constant enthusiasm, kid.
* Bethany—we haven't had a good talk since you left Storytellers. Maybe an e-mail or two. MISS YOU!!!
* Elise; having said above that international friendships are hard without the internet... You've been a good friend and I've loved getting letters marked FRANCE every month or so! It's been really special.
* Leslie... I really wish the family could have come to sports group this year! I haven't seen you in months and I MISS YOU!!! Your fun...your enthusiasm...
* Holly Elizabeth—I hope you're feeling better, girl. Remember, never despair. There's something in this world worth living for.
* Rocketry—thank you for inviting me to join Outlaws & Highwaymen. I don't see you around anymore, but I'll never forget it. Heaven knows there were a million more deserving players.
* Jewel Leigh; I had the best fun doing NaNo with you this year and comparing stories! LOVED what I read of “Hell's Angel”--I swear you've gotta give me the rest of the series or I'm gonna go ballistic. :D
* Jacob Vanderveen... I haven't talked to you in forever and ever—well, since you changed your e-mail address and I don't know what the new one is! I miss that! Thanks for all the helpful World War II crits you've given my stories over the years. That's meant a lot to me and has been very helpful! Hope to chat with you again someday...
* Veronica Olson—I swear, cross my heart and hope to die, that someday I shall REALLY give you “Through a Rain of Fire” to read. Jeez...HOW LONG have I been promising that?!
* And to all the other people who have been my friends over the years—sorry if you didn't get individual mention, but you've all been great, and very good to me. THANK YOU.

Thank you God. Thank you for SO MANY BLESSINGS! I don't deserve them. No one deserves as many as I've got. You've been good to me. Help me to concentrate on what I've GOT in the future instead of what I DON'T HAVE.

On the Topic of Personality...

2009-12-11T07:29:00.000-06:00

I've been getting a lot of disagreements to my personality, which is becoming more and more clearly defined. ESTP. I don't know why everyone is so adamant that it must be wrong—after all, there were no squawks from me when else-wise orderly Alyosha turned out to be a Perciever. At the same time, if Nina ever told me she was an ESFJ... Then again, I have never seen a more clearly defined ENFJ. And I would never say my personality was 'clearly defined'. I was reading through my document on what makes up an ESTP, and noticed some things that were distinctly...well. Really sounded like me. :)

Might I point them out?!

ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.

Hallo? Sound familiar to anyone but me?

ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it" attitude takes precedence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.

Yes, I can perceive people's thoughts and motives if I work at it. It's not that hard. Sometimes I prefer to escape the insight, however. ;) And as for the part about rules as guidelines but still moral codes?! Eep.

ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They're fast-moving, fast-talking people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They may be gamblers or spendthrifts. They're usually very good at story telling and improvising. They typically makes things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It's not that they don't care about people, it's that their decision-making process does not involve taking people's feelings into account.

Gambler? Maybe not. Spendthrift? *hides* Improvisation? Making things up as I go along? Appreciation for the finer things in life? Like having fun? AND can be hurtful just because they never consider how other people will feel... OUCH.

The ESTP often has trouble in school, especially higher education which moves into realms where theory is more important. The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done. The ESTP may be brilliantly intelligent, but school will be a difficult chore for them.

*cough* *cough*

ESTPs have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, which makes them natural entrepreneurs. They get very excited about things, and have the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. The can sell anyone on any idea. They are action-oriented, and make decisions quickly. All-in-all, they have extraordinary talents for getting things started. They are not usually so good at following through, and might leave those tasks to others. Mastering the art of following through is something which ESTPs should pay special attention to.

Just ask Nina about this. HOW MANY NOVELS HAVE I CONVINCED HER TO DO THAT SHE SAID “ABSOLUTELY NOT” TO BEGIN WITH?! Then, of course, once we start writing I let her do the brunt of the hard work. ;)

Notable reasons why I am NOT a feeler;

~I am not empathetic. I do not KNOW HOW to be empathetic and sympathetic. The art is lost upon me. Always has been.
~I do not consider people's feelings first. When in a situation I'm usually thinking about the best way to go about things and how other people feel just does not count into the equation.
~When debating I prefer to rely upon facts instead of working off people's emotions and deeper sides. (You can ask Nina about this one as well. We debate slavery and she attacks the moral issue and I'm looking at it logically... Ultimately I end up frustrated.)
~The things I do know and feel about people are more Perceiver than Feeler. My perceptions aren't sensitive enough to be Feeler.
~Which is another problem. I'm not sensitive. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
~Everything I do—the focus is GETTING IT DONE! Or ENJOYING IT! But MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY just isn't even considered. I know. BAD ME.

Convinced yet? Probably not.

*sigh*

And I most sincerely hope I do not have to go in to why I am a Senser and not iNtuitive. If I do...

Farewell Depression!

2009-12-04T14:22:00.001-06:00

So—post-NaNo depression has gone. Phsst...right out the window. Don't ask me where it went to. But I am FIRED for writing again! It's totally nuts. It's not like I really feel like writing on anything that I've got going...but...

I was working through the stuff that I've already got written for “A Fire is Woken” today. I started by reading it. Then I was going through and changing scenes into third person. (All my stuff...or most of it...was originally written from first person.) Usually Nina does the changing, but I wanted to play with them and tweak them a little bit anyway.

And then I came to the scene that was actually one of the first ever written on the novel... Ironic, because it's toward the end, certainly in the second half of the book. More like the last third. It's the scene where Peter kisses Julie...and Nina originally wrote it not because she wanted to but because she had an idea for it.

Remember—this was still back in the day when we thought that the scene were Tim kisses Liz in “Through a Rain of Fire” was bad.

I didn't like it the way Nina had written it, so when she gave it to me way back when, I instantly rewrote it. And have done nothing with it since—except that every time I read over it I hated it more. Because it didn't feel at ALL right!

It was supposed to be an awesome scene. Well...the whole book is this sort of romance. Julie loves Peter...and Peter loves Julie but is afraid to try and make something of that love. He's afraid of rejection. So he holds back because of fear. And, if I am any sample of the readership, EVERYONE wants to see them get together!

And this is the moment when Peter really lets up. He gives her his heart—all fears aside.

And it was crap.

That's a depressing moment when one realizes that. So today I was going through and changing it into third and I got almost to the kiss and realized that...from this point in...there was work needed. The result is that from that point on the entire scene was re-written!

The very amusing part of it was that I was trying to write it in third and it kept on becoming first without my knowing...and then I'd look at what I'd just written and go “ACK!” :) That was pretty funny.

And now—now I like it. It's way steamier, for one thing. The other time it was like... “And then he kissed her.” Oh, that will never do! This time it's hot and it's passionate, and it's just awesome. I love it. It gives me the shiver.

It's the way the first kiss ought to be.

So I'm very happy with myself about that.

I'm also working through the pre-Civil War period in my history at this moment and getting really fired on that topic again! I'm working through the stuff on the Abolitionists and that sort of thing right now, and getting really interested by how that all played out, and how the revolts and that sort of thing worked...

The result is that I'm suddenly just PUMPING with ideas for “An Enemy in Our Midst”--the Civil War novel that Nina and I planned to write together over a year ago... :) Seriously. So now I'm going to have to start compiling and outlining for that novel because I am absolutely rushing with ideas. What do you think of that?

Good-bye NaNo depression. :D

Post-NaNo Depression

2009-12-01T13:18:00.002-06:00

December First. November's over. NaNo is over.

I feel lower this year than I remember feeling last year. I feel really, really low this year. Almost like... Well, the last four days or so were pretty much torment because I could hardly concentrate on the story and I just wanted to be done. Now I'm done and I feel like...

Like something truly great just ended. :(

Oh dear. I'm not sure why or what or any of that. But I tend to think that once I turn 21 the November 30 – December 1 period will be different. Never felt quite so depressed in my life.

*sigh*

It's One Small Step For Man...

2009-11-20T14:05:00.000-06:00

No, I don't usually quote Lance Armstrong. A quote I have never used before and hopefully shall never use again. But I've just made a decision that feels like a HUGE step now but that I shall probably look back on in fifty years and think it was just a mere shuffle.

Oh well. The fact that it feels huge right now is enough for me!

My second NaNo novel, “Mirror”, I've decided to self-publish it through CreateSpace. It won't cost me a cent. I get the proof copy free, and then the rest of it just falls into place. But yes—first book. First novel. PUBLISHED.

Okay, so self-published. I know there's a big difference, the main one being that if I sell 100 copies of “Mirror” I will have done well. But that's what I hope/intend to do. 100 copies. Think it's possible? I can only hope! I hope that Nina will help me out on the marketing...after all she's the one in the writing circles! I also know different friends and such, however...

I don't know. It's huge! It's simply huge! But it's not that hard a decision. The whole thing with “Through A Rain of Fire” fell through... It's not going to work. The publishing house, Red n' Ritten had rights that Nina and I could not agree to. So— *shrugs* What can you do? Wait for the next possibility to come along, I suppose. ;) And I'm sure it will. In fact, I have absolutely no doubts about whether or not there will be something else that comes along.

Something better.

That's pretty disappointing, but in another way it's good, because I had a bad feeling about it. I had a bad feeling and I knew that we should go with something else. But to make that choice... Anyway, made it easy.

And one good thing came out of it. The good thing is that it really made me think about marketing myself and how I could do that and all the possibilities. Made me realize that I can do it. I can do it just fine. I'm a big enough girl.

Last year I decided to not do it. I didn't think I could sell them that way. I didn't think that it could ever, ever work. But here...yes. It will work. I know I can make it work. That's got to count for something, hasn't it?! So, now that I know I can make it work, what's to stop me from doing it with “Mirror”? The opportunity is here—right in front of me. I'm probably not going to sell it to a publisher. It's a foot in the door. Maybe if I can get enough sales...

If I can get quite a few sales from this, then there's possibilities. There's a gizzilion possibilities. I can prove to publishers that not only are my books good, but I can market. I can sell them. There's a lot to that. It's more than just saying, 'oh yeah, I self published a book'. It's like...'yeah, I self-published a book and I sold 300 copies'.

100 copies is my goal. 300 is the ultimate. ;) 300 copies is usually what small publishing companies do for a first run. Now, it must be understood that 5000 copies is considered a successful book—but who would expect that from a book that one self-publishes anyway?!

So. My new goal. “Mirror” will be edited in December. Hopefully released by New Years.

That's the goal.

I like having goals. Something to strive for.

Something to win.

A Little Bit of Grumble

2009-11-18T14:44:00.001-06:00

What a month. November has been utterly exhausting. Seriously. I'm totally wiped! And the month isn't even beginning to be over yet. *sigh*

Just NaNo has been mad. I am at 100K words...but that is nothing considering that I hit 50K on day four! There was a whole week when I was on vacation and then I couldn't get back into writing that I didn't write a single thing, and even now I'm having a very hard time getting back into the swing of writing. But I have finished one novel (“Mirror”) and am halfway through the other (“Strike in the Dark”).

Besides that it's come up through a friend that we have a publisher interested in buying our novel... “Through a Rain of Fire” that is—and I'm negotiating and working through the whole thing... It's absolutely draining.

It's amazing, I always dreamed about what would happen if I were to get published, but now that I'm here, I haven't the foggiest notion what to do about it! I'm half feeling like I'm not ready and in another way I know I can handle it and I know I can work through it...

Something else entirely. :D

I was thinking about it though...it's definitely something I'm dealing with. I really WANT to be a teen (yes...literally...) but I feel a lot of the time like I'm playing the role of a grown-up. I'm coming up on my sixteenth birthday—and essentially I'm ready to be twenty-one. (I don't want to be—but I could. I could handle it.)

I make dinner and do a whole stack of work around the house. Comes from being the oldest. I can take care of the kids and what not. My friends are older. I'm not in school. I'm involved in writing—and publishing for heaven's sake! There are adults that have a hard time working through this process and here I am handling it at fifteen.

I'm negotiating a publishing deal when I'd really like to be skateboarding. I'd like to be wearing Abercrombie t-shirts and ripped jeans and instead I keep on thinking that I really ought to get a nice sport-coat. It's like...like I've never had a chance to be a teen.

ANYWAY... Enough complaining for one day. Some blog post... ;)

The Writing Wizzard Reports

2009-11-02T15:13:00.002-06:00

Today was my first day of writing AND doing school. Last year I pretty much said school is secondary...when I get sick of writing then I can go and do school. But this year I'm doing NaNo with one requirement. I HAVE to not get behind in school. So it's one of those fun mediums. :D Today I'm messing around with trying to get chores and everything else done without getting behind.

SO—my NaNo/School day as-of-time-I-get-online. Which will be around two-ish—I think. We'll see.

6:00 AM—my alarm goes off. I get up and get dressed & fetch my computer. Mum has just gotten up as well and is correcting schoolwork. (Music...Sarah McLachlan)

7:30 AM—(Music...Nickel Creek)I have reached 3,000 words for the day, bringing my total to 15,500+

8:30AM—morning chores almost completed. Laundry has to go in the dryer, but the washer isn't finished yet. Time to start schoolwork for the day! Science first...I really need to catch up. I'm almost a chapter behind.

9:00AM—I wasn't so far behind in science after all. It went quick. Still working on experiments. I'll do my study guide tomorrow and the test on Wed—if Becka is ready. I'm going to put laundry in the dryer and then do math. If I can finish my math by 9:30 I'll let myself write for a while.

9:28AM—Well. That was closer than I like. :D If I want to, I'll allow myself a whole hour to write and go and do history at 10:30. If I get bored I'll do history before that. :P (Music...Diamond Rio)

10:45AM—(Music...Daryl Worley)I put in an extra 15 minutes because I wanted to get to 6000 words for the day and I was almost there. I'll go and do history and OYAN and then probably make Spagetti sauce for dinner. If I can get my laundry folded and everything and have my chores done by 1:00, I'll probably try to make it to 9000 words. GO ME. :D

11:45AM—history done. Yeah—it usually takes me awhile. Turns out that I have an essay to do... I'll probably try and get it done tomorrow. It's on Foreign Policy. OYAN next...

12:00PM—OYAN done. I'm working on the part wi the sub-characters right now. Friday I did the ones for the Mentor and the Ally and I just now did the one for the Love. Some minor brainstorming but nothing huge. Has it ever occurred to anyone how absolutely, totally, difficult it is to work on another story in the middle of NaNo?! You have been living and breathing one story and then it's like...oh yeah! Forget about writing, carefully plan out this novel you won't write until next year. Cripes! It's practically torture! :D Chores next...

1:30PM—I talked to Nina on the phone while folding laundry and as a result more attention was payed to talking than to folding... Jeepers... Now I'm a half hour late. Write until two-threeish and then internet for just a smidgen. GOING FOR TWENTY THOUSAND!

2:16PM—I just hit 20K!

2:50PM—9023 words for today. I'm going to go see if I can get the internet for half an hour now. If Mum is not in the house it will have to wait for later. Third piece of chocolate! 21,592 is total word count! Second day of NaNo and GOING STRONG! Last year I was at 13,171 on Day Two... I am a champ! :D

Of Chocolate and Novels (and how each pertains to the other)

2009-11-01T18:29:00.002-06:00

I've been plinking away for a good part of the day... It was Daylight Savings Time today—coming off of it anyway—so that was a blessing. Usually I sleep in, but today I got up at the usual time...and then everybody else got up late late late so I had several hours to write before the day got started... I had 3500+ words written by breakfast time... Since then I've been working on it again...

At first I didn't know how to start. (don't you just HATE writing that first word?!)

Then I thought it was fizzling before I even got through the prologue.

Then I thought that I was adding to much stuff and it would turn out literary ramblings like last year.

Then I discovered that my outline did NOT put 3000 words worth of stuff in each chapter.

So I was trying push in all sorts of filler.

I got frustrated with using background filler, because it makes Kendall look like a physiological mess.

Then I discovered that he is.

After which I felt better.

Currently, I like it. :D

If you're wondering...I'm two chapters (and a prologue) into the story. I am on page seventeen already and set to start Chapter Three. I put so much filler in Chapter Two that the end of Chapter Two is becoming Chapter Three. GO ME! Hahar. And it is Eleven A.M.

YES! NaNoWriMo...I love you and hate you and I'm glad it's November and I haven't the foggiest notion how I'll ever survive the month. Oh...November. *suddenly remembers three VERY large chocolate bars that were stashed away for this month* HAHA! *goes on hunt* I hid them so I didn't eat them before November... ;) I think I get...yes. Oh, rewards. Love it. :D I get a small square for every three thousand words I write... ;) Which means I get...TWO right now!! Oh...coolest. 1 by 1 inch squares that are about a third an inch think...YIPES! So good. :D

I'll start on the dark chocolate bar...move to the milk chocolate with crunchies...and save the pure milk chocolate for when I WIN! :D

Whoa. That is GOOD STUFF. That just made those painful 6000+ words worth it. Yum yum yum. *goes off to see if she can reach 9000 words so she can have another square*

(NOTE: It is now 6 pm and I have reached 10,000 words... To reward myself I let myself have TWO more squares instead of just one... )

NaNoWriMo Aprehension

2009-10-25T14:14:00.002-05:00

One week left until NaNo begins, and I've hit that glorious low spot that comes when NaNo is just around the corner and your planned plot has suddenly flopped. Or...I think it just comes anyway, plot flop or no.

Basically, summarized into one sentence, it is, for most people, “I don't think I can do it!”

I do have excuses why I can't. Because I have ten chapters in the middle of the book that I do not know what happens. Because I'm trying to write a thriller/mystery sort of thing, and I'm rot at both. Because I'm going to gone for four whole days in November on family vacation. Because... Because...

I'm feeling depressed. Very low. I'm sure my book will be a failure. I'm sure the month will be a waste. I'm sure I shan't even finish! A depressing thought considering that I finished last year! Herm...

I'm sure it's just pre-NaNo blues. I'm sure it happens to everyone. I'm sure that it'll work out okay whether I finish or not. I'm sure that the book doesn't have to be great for it to have been a good month.

Or am I?

FALL PARTY!

2009-10-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Valerie Olson's second fall party...

Last year she hosted one that was a lot of fun. There were eight or ten girls there... I can't remember exactly. This year, however, was absolutely smashing. Fifteen girls... Ranging from seventeen all the way down to Heidi who's...herm. Not really sure, but I think eleven.

Val is the best party hostess. She's always got fun (and sometimes just plain torturous) games. PLUS Olson's have the most awesome indoor swimming pool...eight feet deep on the deep end. I think that's just terrific.

Apples to Apples...survey game...chocolate game (the one with the mittens and the bar of chocolate?!)...relay races(in the pool)...tournament races(also in the pool)...and a game that was almost like a dare game. ;) That last one was the worst. But still fun. :)

We had an absolute blast. Becka won Apples to Apples. Survey game there is no real winner... Chocolate game either...but if there were to be one it would be Leslie considering that she succeeded the most times! Roni's team (the one I was on) won the relay race. That would be Leslie, Sammy, Roni, me, Emily, Megan, Sarah and Heidi. I think. Something like that! Val won the tournament races...no real surprise there. ;) And the dare game wasn't one with any real winners either.

Such a blast. Three cheers for Val...the best party hostess! :)

Left-to-right, bottom to top: Anna, me, Roni, Leslie, Leanne, Emily, Sammy, Becka, Britta, Megan1, Megan2, Val, Heidi, Ashley (Sarah had to go early and is not in the picture and, sadly enough, I do not have a picture with Heidi looking at the camera! :( )

On the Topic of Quarters, Half Dollars, and the Shampoo Industry

2009-10-18T14:25:00.001-05:00

So today I was washing my hair, and as I was standing pleasantly with my head upturned in the sink trying to work hair oil out with the recommended amount of shampoo, I came, for the umpteenth time in my life, to the conclusion that the shampoo company either is horribly misguided about the exact amount of cleaner it takes to extract filth from one's hair, or that they were out to try and misguide the rest of us into thinking that we could wash our hair many more times with one flimsy bottle than we really could.

As I was thinking about this and washing my hair (I often wash it in the sink, it seems that my head needs washing far more than my body...) I came to a brilliant conclusion—namely that for the better part of the population the amount of shampoo required to wash said population's hair would be neared the size of a half-dollar, not a quarter. For me, of course, it's more the size of a ten dollar bill...but that's quite another matter that's almost completely decided by the thickness of my hair.

So as I am contemplating this and coming up with said brilliant conclusion regarding the size of coins and the amount of shampoo required...I started wondering if perhaps there had been a day when the bottle had said the size of a half dollar, but when they stopped minting half dollars and the young generation, who did know the size of one because (unlike me) they did not have a lucky half dollar; the poor company had to choose a different coin, and seeing multiple advantages to this, they changed it to a quarter.

In any case, I think it is a gross underestimation of what it takes to wash one's hair, and I think that that in all honesty the shampoo companies ought go back and fix their ludicrous mistake on the matter.

Brothers

2009-10-16T14:34:00.000-05:00

I had a splendid idea for a new story... Something that I think could potentially sell very well. Not sure. I suppose it could even be done as a serial—albeit a very long one. ;)

I was listening to the Dean Brody song, “Brothers”, (a song which I absolutely adore—makes me cry every time) and I was thinking what a great story it would make... So I think I might actually do that. ;) I'm going to start to outline it since I have such a definite idea of what it would be like... Maybe even start to outline it. If I figure it all out and get it straitened out and I finish “Strike in the Dark” before November is over—I might write it—or finish it. I might even get it started previous to November and just finish it... (bad bad bad me) It would be young adult or juvenile I think... I'm going to aim for 50,000 words on it. Give or take.

I'm listening to the song right now and crying my eyes out!!! AHHHH!!! I love, love, love that song... I heard it ages ago on the country music station, but didn't know the title and had a hell of a time finding it. :D It's been a good six months I've been hunting for it... Just found it yesterday—and was absolutely overjoyed. :D YES!

Here's the lyrics...

BROTHERS—Dean Brody

The house was like a tomb,

I was hiding in my room,

As my brother made his way on down the hall,

I didn't want to say goodbye,

I was trying to deny,

There was a war,

That he'd got the call.

I watched him from my window,

Walking down the drive,

Then I ran down the stairway,

Our the front-door and I cried,

You come back you hear,

And I let him see my tears,

I said “I'll give you my room,

I'll do anything you want,

Clean your room or wash your car,

I'll do anything so long as you don't go,”

But he said, “This is what brothers are for.”

Well I've had my heroes,

But the one I love the most,

Taught me how to hunt and swing a bat,

And I wrote him every night,

Said “I miss our pillow fights,

But lately I just wonder where you're at,”

Sometimes freedom makes it hard to live,

When it takes things from you that you don't want to give.

I said, “You come back, you hear?

Cuz I miss you being near,

And laughing face down in the maple grove,

I'll do anything you want--

There must be someone I can call,

And just maybe they would let you come back home.”

But he wrote, “This is what brothers are for.”

I may never have to face the anger of those guns,

Or lie cold and wounded in my blood,

Or know the sacrifice and what it must have cost,

For him to love me that much.

Well it had been two years,

And I held back my tears,

When I saw him in that wheelchair on the shore,

And as I ran and held him tight,

That's when he looked me in the eye,

And said, “I'm sorry that you'll have to push me home.”

And I said, “Hey, this is what brothers are for.”

*sobs*

Outline, outline, outline... *opens new document*

UPDATE: I have been working on said story. Currently it is simply called “Brothers”. I have four chapters outlined and one-and-some written... I love the idea, love the outline—don't really like the story. :D I think I shall have to do some major editing before I allow anyone to read it. For one thing it is much too introspective...

*sighs* Ah well... Some things just never change. :D

SECOND UPDATE: (see what happens when I write this multiple hours before posting?!) I am done with chapter two and working on chapter three. I like how it's going better now, it's gotten less introspective because he's met up with this group of guys one of whom I absolutely love... HAHAH. Bit of a Monty sort of character. :D

New Moodyness

2009-10-15T15:03:00.000-05:00

I was finally able to talk to Mum about being lonely today. Previous to this I just have not been able to make myself do it. I think that I was afraid that she'd yell at me or something of that sort. Or maybe not understand or maybe call me silly... In any case... I wasn't talking to her about it, just saying that it wasn't really all that important.

Today it came to a head because it turns out that some friends of ours that we introduced to the Sport's Group last year are going this year...and in that moment I was suddenly sickeningly jealous. I wanted to go so, so, so bad this year. We went twice last year and I loved the sports. I loved the competition. And I LOVED the people there and they accepted me and we all got on so well. And then Mum and Dad were saying we'd go this year and everything...and then last minute they decided that no, we wouldn't. At the time I was absolutely crushed—it was the big thing that triggered this whole loneliness thing. Since then there have been little things that have fed the fire.

So when I heard that Olsons were going I was just... Happy they were going; but reminded just how much I wanted to go...

It was just one of those things. And this time I actually talked to Mum about it instead of just saying nothing... All the reasons why I didn't want to talk to her turned out untrue, she was very sweet about it. She was sympathetic and let me talk... I've gotta say that there are times that I think I have the best parents... I love her very much, and I love Dad too.

I feel better now that I've told her, but it's not like it fixes the whole loneliness thing...

But I'm glad we were able to talk. There was one part that was sorta amusing where she was asking about Driver's Ed and I was explaining that was cool but I was just odd man out and such... And then I was talking about how the girls seemed rather miffed that I was always right... Mum said that'll happen any time you get teens in a class together... To which I had to protest that they seemed to mind me being right, but Josh, who is always right too—they didn't mind that.

Mum looked surprised. “Of course not. He's one of the boys—that's different. Bet they think Josh is pretty hot.”

At which point I turned very VERY red and said, “Well, Josh IS pretty hot.” (I looked incredibly sheepish, I am sure, for I felt totally sheepish.)

And Mum got the most ridiculous look on her face—something like 'AHAH! So she IS human after all!' :D That was rather amusing. :D

The one relief to this is that Olsons are having a fall party (last year's party was totally awesome...I loved it...) and this year they've got more people coming and Becka and I are invited...so I think that is pretty awesome. Olsons have an indoor pool, so we'll get to swim and everything. Fieldhaurs(the people who run the sport's group) are coming—the three girls are, at least. Leslie and I have really hit it off—but they are so busy that the only time we see each other is at writer's group... Another reason I would have really loved to have done sport's group—I would have gotten to see her every week. As it is...I haven't talked to her since July. The ONE local person who I have hit it off with and it's almost impossible to actually get together with her... *groans and pulls hair* And 'local' meaning only 40 min away...

But I am really, really looking forward to the party.

For now I shall go and rain on someone else's day with my woes...

(something very weird just happened when I asked for the internet... Mum wasn't going to give me an hour but Dad said, “Oh, let her have an hour.” ??? My Dad seldom says things like that when talking about the internet... I find this rather strange...)

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

2009-10-12T15:05:00.001-05:00

“'And the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home.' Christopher Columbus”

“Welcome to the New World, sir.”

The Hunt for the Red October

Almost six hundred years ago Christopher Columbus first landed in the new world, first discovered the land that would later be known as America. It wasn't until two years later that the settlers landed at Jamestown, to found the United States of America.

But Columbus was the one who had a dream. The man with a dream and the man who followed it across uncharted seas. He didn't find what he sought, but he found a new continent. A new continent that has become something special. Something worth believing in.

There are lots of people today that do not believe in America any more. They want us to take God out of the pledge of allegiance. They think that it is all about taxes and banking. They laugh at the Star Spangled Banner and say we ought to make illegal aliens legal. America...the dream that Columbus sought...has been lost. There is a prevalent thought here today that says that we are no better than the other countries of the world.

If we do not believe in her, then America shall be just like all the other countries of the world, nothing special. What has made America so special for so many years? A sense of nationalism. Pride. After World War II the better part of the world lost their national pride. But America—America retained hers. There were still scores of men who would die for the flag of red white and blue.

The Founding Fathers were the ones that set forth the ideas of liberty and freedom. The things that would make America one of the most powerful nations in the world. In one of the most beautiful and patriotic documents ever signed by free men, Thomas Jefferson set forth what American liberty would mean.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in general congress assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.

The Deceleration of Independence: Thomas Jefferson

“Pledge our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.” That is beautiful. I think that is beautiful. It gives me the shivers. I believe in that. I believe in the country and dream that Thomas Jefferson had, and that the Founding Fathers signed to. It's a truly great thing.

The style of this confederacy shall be “The United States of America”...each state retains its sovereignty, freedom, and independence, and ever power, jurisdiction, and right, which is not by this confederation expressly delegated to the United States, in Congress assembled...the said states hereby severally enter into a firm league of friendship with each other for their common defense, the security of their liberties, and their mutual and general welfare, binding themselves to assist each other against all forced offered to, or attacks made upon them, or any of them, on account of religion, sovereignty, trade or any other pretense whatever...the better to secure and perpetuate mutual friendship and intercourse among the people of the different states of this union, the free inhabitants of each of these states—paupers, vagabonds, and fugitives from justice excepted—shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of free citizens in the several states; and the people of each state shall have free ingress and regress to and from any other state, and shall enjoy therein all the privileges of trade and commerce, subject to the same duties, impositions, and restrictions as the inhabitants thereof respectively...

Constitution of the United States

Liberty. They set forth liberty and freedom there at the beginning when the delegates of the thirteen states stood in Philadelphia and signed the momentous document, written to rule the new country of America. Into every line, every deceleration, ever law, even every restriction, they wrote liberty.

Calhoun was the South's strongest supporter and advocate. In his final speech to the Senate on March 4, 1850, he was once again to give the South's response to the Great Compromise. In simple, but strong terms, he condemned the Northern senators with not really caring about justice or what was best for the Union. He brought the situation back down to one thing again. Liberty, and the freedom of the Constitution.

...besides, this cry of Union comes commonly from those whom we cannot believe to be sincere. It usually comes from our assailants. But we cannot believe them to be sincere; for, if they loved the Union, they would necessarily be devoted to the Constitution. It made the Union, and to destroy the Constitution would be to destroy the Union... How can the Union be saved? There is but one settlement, on the principle of justice, of all the questions at issue between the two sections. The Sought asks for justice, simple justice, and less she ought not to take. She has no compromise to offer, but the Constitution; and no concession or surrender to make... At all events, the responsibility of saving the Union rests on the North, and not on the South. The South cannot save it by any act of hers, and the North may not save it without any sacrifice whatever, unless to do justice, and to perform her duties under the Constitution, should be regarded by her as a sacrifice...

The Slavery Question: John C. Calhoun

Liberty. Liberty under the Constitution of the United States of America.

Many years later, there was another man that saw liberty and freedom. In his Inaugural address to the United States, John F. Kennedy reminded the people who they were and where we came from. He reminded them that, without the dreams of liberty of the Founding Fathers, America would not be the country she is.

“We dare not forget that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans—born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

“Let ever nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

“This much we pledge—and more.”

Inaugural Address: John F. Kennedy

I believe in the liberty of the Founding Fathers. The liberty that the signers of the Deceleration of Independence and the Constitution could see, bright on the horizon. The liberty that the Confederacy fought and died for. The spark of liberty that was fanned by John F. Kennedy, and the liberty that Ronald Reagan saw...far off, yes, but attainable.

In his inaugural address, Ronald Reagan put forth, more clearly than it had been put forth in many years, what America was about. He restated what had been said by the founders of our country. And he emphasized why America is the greatest country in the world. And what our part is in making sure that our county remains the 'land of the free and the home of the brave'.

If we look to the answer as to why for so many years we achieved so much, prospered as no other people on earth, it was because here in this land we unleashed the energy and individual genius of a man to a greater extent than has ever been done before.

Freedom and dignity of the individual have been more available and assured here than in any other place on earth. The price of this freedom at times has been high, but we have never been unwilling to pay that price.

It is no coincidence that our present troubles parallel and are proportionate to the intervention and intrusion in our lives that result from unnecessary and excessive growth of government.

It is time for us to realize that we are too great a nation to limit ourselves to small dreams. We're not, as some wold have us believe, doomed to an inevitable decline; I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing.

So, with all the creative energy at our command let us begin an era of national renewal. Let us renew our determination, our courage, and our strength. And let us renew our faith and our hope. We have every right to dream heroic dreams.

Your dreams, your hopes, your goals are going to be the dreams, the hopes, and the goals of this administration, so help me God...

I believe we the Americans of today are ready to act worthy of ourselves, ready to do what must be done to insure happiness and liberty for ourselves, our children, and our children's children.

And as we renew ourselves here in our own land we will be seen as having greater strength throughout the world. We will again be the exemplar of freedom and a beacon of hope for those who do not now have freedom.

To those neighbors and allies who share our freedom, we will strengthen our historic ties and assure them of our support and firm commitment. We will match loyalty with loyalty. We will strive for mutually beneficial relations. We will not use our friendship to impose on their sovereignty, for our own sovereignty is not for sale.

As for the enemies of freedom, those who are potential adversaries, they will be reminded that peace is the highest aspiration of the American people. We will negotiate for it, sacrifice for it, we will not surrender for it—now or ever.

Our forbearance should never be misunderstood. Our reluctance for conflict should not be misjudged as a failure of will. When action is required to preserve our national security we will act. We will maintain sufficient strength to prevail if need be, knowing that if we do so we have the best chance of never having to use that strength.

Above all we must realize that no arsenal or no weapon in the arsenals of the world is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.

It is a weapon our adversaries in today's world doe not have. It is a weapon that we as Americans do have. Let that be understood by those who practice terrorism and prey upon their neighbors.

God bless you all. And God bless the Untied States of America.

Inaugural Address: Ronald Reagan

Amen. Amen to that. I will do whatever my part may be to see that the Stars and Stripes are flying in Washington, and that liberty reigns in America.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Contemplations of a Lonely Socialite

2009-10-06T14:10:00.000-05:00

I am starting to get very frustrated with the state of things at the Driver's Ed class. I'm starting to get very sick of the whole thing with not really being part of anything. I want to be part of the kids there! Yesterday I even ended up sitting by myself—only one at the the table. :( I don't think that anyone tries to avoid me, I think that they just go to their own social circles and I just do not fit in. Not at all. I really, really wish that I did. And then there were three girls there who were going home together that night...

I don't have friends I can just do that with. I thank God for all my online friends because otherwise I'm afraid I should go mad with the very loneliness of it all. And I love Nina very much. But with her busy all the time and now starting to get ready to move away... And they do live so very far away. She can't just come over for the night or anything like that.

I've never had just a casual, chill relationship with just someone in the general vicinity that I can hang out with or anything like that. Which is really frustrating for me! I want to have a friend in the area that I could just hang out with and we could go skiing and go to the flea market together and go shopping together and stuff like that. I would absolutely love that. I think that is just the most awesome thing and I get all wishful just thinking about it. But...hey. Where am I going to meet one? It's disappointing.

And I also never get the chance for the fun hang outs...for the football or hockey games, dances, parties, banquets, plays... ANY of that. It's just... It's hard! My parents decided they didn't even want to do sport's group this year because it was too far and too much time that they wouldn't be getting to do something they wanted to do...every week. And currently we're not even going to writer's group because with the Driver's Ed we're 'going to Rhinelander twice a week anyway'. It makes me sick sometimes.

I just want...

I don't know what I really want. :( There's half of me that loves being homeschooled and there's another half of me that craves for the social circle. In any case, it doesn't really matter, so I shall just ignore the possibilities, because this is just making me feel upset. *stops accordingly*

Writing News Blurb

2009-10-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

I have been editing over the past two days. Working almost more with formatting than anything else. I started with “Through a Rain of Fire”. It needed so much work. So very much work. The formatting was all wrong for it to be sent out. I double spaced 300 pages and also broke the chapters up so they were shorter. I was aiming for five to seven pages per chapter...there were several chapters that became three chapters! I also knocked out all the fancy formatting and made it very plain and strait forward which is what an agent or a publisher is going to want.

There were still lots of places too that need finishing, unfinished scenes and bits of things that needed deleting. I got all those places either fixed, or, if I didn't think I could fix them properly, then I made notes and all that fancy stuff so they are not overlooked by Nina! She still needs to redo the whole first chapter, but I'll leave that to her. We should be fine, I think we can get the whole thing polished in two weeks. I did the majority of the work, so it's a bit of writing and such, but it's looking pretty good and I am pleased as punch with myself! It went from twenty-three chapters to forty-three. Like I said, I had to break up the better part of the chapters because they were just way too long.

And then, when I finished on “Through a Rain of Fire” I started right off on “A Fire is Woken”. Thank heaven that book is better, it does not need near as much editing. Mind you, we are far from being done with the first draft, but I am already starting to try and polish what we have. Reason for that being that if we end up with an agent who wants to see part of the second one I have to have something to give to them! Haha!

Exciting writing news: Mark Bedhun, my pilot, invited me to write an article about how the Young Eagles flight came about and how the AirVenture resulted from that, ect... I think that was a very special thing and I think that Young Eagles is totally terrific, so I was perfectly willing. I put together an article and some pictures and I sent them to Mark. Mark, in turn, sent them to various levels of EAA and Young Eagles. I have not heard back from Young Eagles for them being published on a national or international scale, but I got an e-mail yesterday from the head of Mark's local EAA chapter. They are putting together a special thing on how Young Eagles has touched young people's lives, and they are going to use parts of my article and the picture that my Dad took of Mark and I by Mark's plane at Air Venture. I AM SO HAPPY! Absolutely on the top of the world. My first publishing credit: EVER. I'm pretty happy.

And that is writing news in the state of Rockafield on this Tuesday, the somethingest of October. *nods*

Ramblings of the Faulty Intellect

2009-10-03T19:39:00.000-05:00

Nina and I had a very long talk today regarding “A Fire is Woken”. Also how editing on “Through a Rain of Fire” is going. VERY nice. I loved it. :D

But the thing of it is that we came to all sorts of really cool conclusions. Number one that, while we cannot seem to find one sentence to describe any of the novels in (what will be) a trilogy, we can find one sentence to sum up the whole series.

Because the series is about courage. It's all about courage. In the first book, Liz has to find the courage to live today. In the second book, Peter has to find the courage to face the future. And in the third one, the characters have to face up to the past. Present, future, and past. Three tenses. One theme.

Courage.

Excellent premise. ;)

EXCERPT: To Love Her

2009-10-01T12:31:00.002-05:00

EXCERPT: To Love Her

Loretta fished out her key. “Just you watch me, Lissee. I'm gonna go up there and just collapse right on my bed. Don't wave food in front of me, don't play music, don't complain about doing your hair... Just let me sleep!”

Elise laughed. “I shan't bother you.”

“Good.” Loretta unlocked the door, and groaned. “Oh jeez. Common ya girls! Whatcha expect me to do?”

The other girls had already left for their factory jobs, and the breakfast dishes were left on the table and counter. A pesky fly buzzed against the window pane. Loretta waved one hand limply. “Whatever. Nighty-night, dishes. See you later.” She limped into her shared room and slammed the door. There was the thump of her heels hitting the wall and then silence.

Elise smiled to herself and slid her feet out of her shoes. She wiggled her toes in pleasure. She went into her room and pulled off her heavily sequined dress. Pulling on a robe over her nightgown she went back out into the kitchen. She wasn't tired, not yet. Her head was still spinning with the night.

She opened the window over the sink to let in some of the cool morning air. In a few hours it would be steamy and smell of the railroad, but now it was still cool and clean. Elise turned the faucet on and let the hot water run over her hands and turn the soap in the sink into fluffy bubbles. As she washed the dishes, she let her mind wander. She shut her eyes, and could feel his arms around her.

Strong arms. And his dark, flashing eyes. Eyes that were full of humor. Full of daring. Full of a sort of pride. They were the eyes of a gentleman. If Elise shut her eyes she could remember the book of fairy tales she'd had as a child. There had been a picture in there of Cinderella dancing with Prince Charming. Prince Charming had had eyes like that.

Elise took a quick turn around the kitchen, the dance music playing in her head. She held a warm plate to her chest, feeling the warmth seep through her. Faster and faster she spun. The music was playing in her head, and she could imagine the flashing ball gowns around her swirling and twirling with the dances of the beautiful young ladies.

But she was the envy of every girl in the room. For she was held in the arms of Prince Charming. The man that every girl wanted to make hers. But he wanted no one else. He wanted her. Only her. He wanted to marry her, and after he'd carried her down the isle in her angelic white dress he'd take her home to his castle and they'd live happily ever after.

Elise spun around again, and her foot caught on a chair. As she threw her arms out to catch her balance, the plate fell out of her grip...and dropped to the floor with a crash. The porcelain broke into a million pieces which fell, glittering with the morning sun to the floor.

Elise went to get the broom, and as she swept the shards of her dream into a pile, she felt a hot tear on her cheek. She wiped it angrily away and dumped the broken pieces into the waste basket. The sound of them echoing as they hit the bottom filled the room. Elise stood there for a long moment, and then turned away, back to the sink and everyday reality. She was suddenly very tired.

As she shut the kitchen window and turned to her room, the sun came up over the tops of the buildings, like a promise of something better. Wrapped up in her shattered dream, Elise didn't even see it. And she didn't feel the warmth of the promise.

A Problem With His Haircut

2009-09-27T17:08:00.001-05:00

So...tonight was just one of those nights. The sort of nights when you sit at the dinner table and all manner of the ludicrous and ridiculous is discussed. (it began with discussing what would happen if you fired a heat-seeking missile backwards...)

Just as we're finishing the phone rings. It's my Aunt Mary. She's just older than Dad and they get on stupendously. Dad takes the phone.

Dad: What can we do for you?

Pause

Dad: Soften a well?

Pause

Dad: Sock a well? Oh! Oh! Shock a well! Sorry, I'm growing my hair long and I can't hear.

We all ended up howling with laughter. Caleb even stuck his elbow in his soup. ;)

Out Cruisin'

2009-09-26T14:25:00.001-05:00

Dad and I were out driving for the first time today. I'll get my temps on Monday, but for the moment we were just in the community center parking lot and back in a little one-lane access road that is pavement and then turns to gravel...

I CAN DO IT! Hey! I like it too. ;) I think that driving is FUN!

Dad is saying that I'm pretty good too. Now about that I'm not so sure. ;) I can manage the brake just fine...but when Dad has me apply the accelerator in a turn (strait is okay) there's often quite a lurch. :s Oops. But...hey! If I can do 15 mph on a one-lane gravel road on my first try... YES! I think I can do this! He also had me park... I think it was a freak accident that it ended up the most picture-perfect parking job ever. I VERY MUCH doubt I can do that again. :D

Dad is saying that if I pass my temps test on Monday and get my temps I can drive home... It'd be dark...but I've got to say that I find it a very tempting opportunity... I probably wouldn't drive ALL the way home...but there is a certain nice-ness to the thought of doing it at least part-way.

But I'm feeling very good about it and I have decided that it isn't at all scary, and that it is in fact one of the most funnest things I've ever done! YAY! I'm very happy about the whole thing. But I think I am driving the family a little nuts, because whenever I'm very happy about something I have to act like I'm totally indifferent to keep from gushing all over... Else I couldn't talk about anything else! (Like this. *sigh*)

:D :D :D

Adrenaline Stimulation

2009-09-25T14:51:00.001-05:00

I don't think I've ever been so busy in my life. In one way, it's good. I feel really good being busy every minute of the day. In another way... It's exhausting! School is so much work. Has anyone else ever been in the situation where they live in the house, but the truth is that you know almost nothing of the plans that are going around? That's what it's like now. Sometimes Becka will say something and I'll be like “whaaaat?” It's not that I'm not paying attention, but I'm either busy with school or something else—or I'm gone! So I miss all sorts of things.

Most recent is a rather astonishing development regarding a friend of Grandma's who was originally going to give Becka's riding lessons...but now she and her husband are talking about buying a horse and keeping him/her/it here. I didn't hear about that until yesterday although it has supposedly been being talked about for 6 months... Ah well. There was a time when I would have been excited, but the truth of the matter is that right now I'm so busy with other stuff that I hardly have any time to think about it! It probably won't effect me so much... Becka and Mum mostly, I think.

But my days are so full! I get up...and until 1-2 in the afternoon I'm busy with school. If I'm lucky enough to be done by 1(sometimes even noon) I use the time until 2 to do something I want to do. Go outside...(I was shooting baskets for that hour today)...write...that sort of thing. Sometimes during the school time I'll write some... But never much.

Two is internet time. 3:30 is dinner prep. Then dinner...and after dinner I usually either talk to Nina or do something with the family. Right up until bed-time. On Sundays I stay up and listen to the country music station because I like to hear the Top 40 Countdown. It starts at 6 pm, so I usually only catch the second half, which is okay because the Top 10 is the part I want to hear THE MOST.

Plus different days of the week have different things. Sunday is pretty much just Sunday...but Mum always has a lot of work for Sundays. Monday is Driver's Ed. Tuesday is Driver's Ed. Wednesday is flight simulator flight lessons(my Dad bought a computer program that is a flight simulator and includes flight lessons), Thursday is pretty much open, Friday is driving practice(or will be...I think...), Saturday is free-flying-time. In other words...MY LIFE IS CRAMMED!!!

Ah well... ;)

AND Dad is still planning on going to Milwaukee in November...YAY! Milwaukee=family vacation=first family vacation in FOREVER. :D

Oh yes...and if all that isn't enough... Mark Beduhn (my pilot) invited me to write an article about the whole Air Venture...'thing'...for the Young Eagles newsletter. So that's sent off...and I'm on PINS AND NEEDLES!!! He says his local chapter is talking about printing it in their newsletter as well... WOW. We'll see if either one DECIDES to. *FINGERS CROSSED*

Anything else adrenaline-stimulating? *considers* Don't think so!

A Day Out In The Open

2009-09-25T07:35:00.000-05:00

A day out in the open,

Love we won't forget,

Laughter that was started,

And hasn't died down yet.

Mum and us kids were out at Crystal lake today for the second time this week. We were out there Monday (so late I almost missed my first Driver's Ed class...eep!!! We'd forgotten...) and had a simply splendifferous time. Except for the rather embarrassing episode with the rock crib... Did I not mention that? Oh. Jeez. Now that I've said something I suppose I'll have to tell. *turns red*

Okay...so out from the one beach at Crystal Lake(which is a perfectly round, sand-bottom, crystal-clear, spring-fed, completely seaweed free lake) there's a rock crib. It's like a massive 10ft by 10ft box of treated wood filled with huge stones. Fish habitat. Just about a foot and a half under water, so it also makes a great diving/jumping platform, ect. I knew it was there, because we'd been out there before with Hansens. But Becka and I were having a little trouble locating it.

Finally, giving up, I was swimming around with Josiah on my back (dolphin rides...he loves 'em) and just thinking about how clear the water was, ect, ect. All of a sudden there's this huge black 'thing' in front of me (turns out later it was the shadow cast by the crib). I screamed, and turned around and started paddling back to shore as fast as absolutely possible. Dropped Josiah off and decided to go back and see if it WAS the rock crib. Got right up to the shadow, screamed again and had to go back.

Becka didn't want to go, of course, so we got Caleb (who isn't scared of anything) to go out there. HE screamed and came back. Now by this point I knew the problem wasn't mine. So I swam AROUND it...and discovered there was no shadow on the side. So Becka and I got up on it. Decided it was still pretty scary...and left el pronto.

Well, TODAY we decided we weren't going to be defeated by any rock crib so we went around the side of the crib and got up on it. Decided it wasn't scary at all, so Josiah, Caleb, Becka and I were all swimming off it. THEN Ezekiel decided to come out...and didn't go around the side... HE screamed and went back, and then wouldn't come out with us!!!

So I know the problem is not me. But it's still really embarrassing. :0

But seriously, it is the MOST BEAUTIFUL lake. Sand beaches all the way around... Mum and I were playing volleyball there today—minus the net. ;) I have yet to play with a net, actually. *considers this* Sad state of affairs, don't you think? I was having trouble doing an overhand serve...but turns out that Mum, who has played on multiple leagues, can't do one either. :P She said she hasn't been able to do one ever...unless she practices every day! So now I don't feel so bad.

I really need to work on backing up and setting the ball, though. I usually lean back and don't actually STEP back and then miss the ball. *sighs* That's me for you. :D

We had a great time, though, and I love going. I love the water, and so does Mum. Mum is always in an awesome mood after we've been to the lake. Lil likes it as well, although she always ends up tired out. :) So do I. But it's great fun and I hope we can do it more next summer.

Why Do the Stories You Don't Want to Write Always Come The Easiest?

2009-09-24T11:30:00.004-05:00

So I've mentioned a novel I've been working on a couple of times ("To Love Her"), but I've never said much about it because basically I've not thought it would go any further and also because I don't even really like the premise of the story which is basically a romance. I'm no great reader of romance, and certainly not a writer of strait romance...which is basically what the story is.

In any case...I keep on deserting it, but then several weeks later I end up back working on it again. I don't even really LIKE the story and yet I can't put it down!! :0 I think it's pretty wacky and it's rather bothering me, but hey! What can you do? The worst part is, though, that I'm writing a story that I don't even really like when I could be writing something that I DO like... Rather interesting problem over-all. I thought I was over the story and then I ended up writing 4 more pages last night...

On another bit of a subject that's rather similar... I've started "One Year Adventure Novel". I have to say that he does have some pretty strict rules that make it a lot of work, but at the same time I'm really enjoying it. It's written with an understanding humor that's just a lot of fun to work with. There are some points that I think aren't necessary, but I really don't mind. It's just well-written. I love it.

As for my Novel... I came into the curriculum without the foggiest idea, but now I'm starting to get one. Basically a fairy-tale sort of thing about a hero who is a coward and an evil fairy with a soft heart, and a VERY evil villain who wants the kingdom all to himself... I think it's pretty good. :D

Dreams

2009-09-22T17:19:00.001-05:00

It is seldom that I find so much to say in one day!

Dad was thinking...and came to the conclusion that our family is too 'dreamy' and doesn't work enough at 'realizing our dreams'. If only that weren't true... I'm afraid that it really is. I spend so much time thinking about things. Saying I'm going to do them...and then they don't happen. Great frustration of mine. So I agree totally.

But I'm feeling a bit depressed now that it's been brought up. Because...well... The honest truth of the matter is that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. It seems like I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. As much as I hate getting up early I might have to start. I can't afford to be spending as much time sleeping as I am. I need that time to do things. I'd rather have it in the evening, but Dad doesn't want that. So... I don't know.

I just can't figure out how kids can spend 8 hr in public school and still have time for sports, homework, AND socializing! I DON'T spend 8 hr in schoolwork and I still don't seem to have enough time to go around. I'm kinda cramming as is and one thing Dad had to say just to me was that he wants me to give driving one hundred percent. He wants me to do my very, very best at it. I want to too—but I totally get what he's saying. One hundred and ten percent. And he doesn't want me to WANT to do one hundred and ten percent...he wants me to DO it.

And he has something else very legitimate. If I'm going to do things well I'm going to need more time. He's saying that I'll probably have to cut down on the internet time. It's a thought that's occurred to me as well, and it is perfectly legitimate. But...I don't want to loose it! I like my socializing. And now if my best friend ends up moving away and we're not going to be able to talk often at all...

It's all rough stuff. I wish...I wish life were simpler. Kinda a silly thing to wish, isn't it? But I do. I really wish that everything could just...'work'. I know I'm in this season of life and I can't change that. Part of me doesn't WANT to change it. Part of me says that this is going to be one of the best times of my life and that I ought to enjoy it. And the other part of me is still looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow...

Driver's Ed

2009-09-22T15:04:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was my first Driver's Ed class.

I love the teacher...and I'm sure that we can do nothing that will rattle him. He trains policemen for high-speed chase and also trains race-car drivers. He trains all the guys for Road America. There's one week there'll be no class because he's down at Road America. Tonight I have the second class. (there's two classes per week...Monday and Tuesday night) He's going to give me the papers today to get my temps...Dad says we'll get 'em on next Monday before class while we're down in Rhinelander anyway. I think he's going to start with me sooner than that, though. I hope!

I think the driving in the class will start pretty soon because there's some guys ready to get their temps. We get paired up and I'm the only girl ready... Wonder if it'll be good or bad to have a guy as my driving partner? Probably good because I'm a little scared and if he's confident... All I need to destroy my confidence is a hyper-sensitive girl in the back seat. ;) In any case, all seems good and I'm glad it's working out how it is. :D

New Poll

2009-09-22T14:28:00.005-05:00

So you guys probably noticed I've got a poll up on the side of my blog. Just thought it might be fun to do that. Right...so I think that all three songs are available on YouTube with the exception of Straight to the Point which you should be able to find somewhere. I want you guys to really listen to them, not just make a good guess!!! And I don't want to know which one you like best...which one you think is most me!!! I tend to think it's probably "God Love Her"... "Wild at Heart" is pretty me too. I think it's one of those two. But hey...it's up to you! That's why I put it here! Because there were 5 songs I could see as being 'me'...and I want to know what you think!

Like I said you can probably find 'em on YouTube...but I'll put lyrics here anyway.

GOD LOVE HER--Toby Keith

Just a girl born in Dixie, washed in the blood

And raised on the banks of the Mississippi mud

She always had a thing about fallin' in love with a bad boy

Yeah, they could see it all comin' but her daddy never dreamed

She'd grow up that fast, you know what I mean

The way a girl gets when she turns seventeen, kinda crazy

She's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter

She was baptized in dirty water

Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me

They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible

On the back seat of my motorcycle

Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see

God love her

Oh, me and God love her!

She kissed her mama goodbye, said I'll be sure 'n phone ya

She called her from a truck stop in Tucson Arizona

With Amazing Grace, we made California line

And then my gypsy life started takin' its toll

And the fast lane got empty and out of control

And just like an angel she saved my soul from the devil

Yeah, she's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter

She was baptized in dirty water

Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me

They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible

On the back seat of my motorcycle

Left her daddy standin' there, preachin' to the choir, you see

God love her

Oh, me and God love her!

Now she holds tight to me and the Bible

On the back seat of my motorcycle

Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see

God love her

Oh, me and God love her!

God love her

Me and God love her

FIFTEEN--Taylor Swift

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

It's the morning of your very first day

And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while

Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here

For the next four years in this town

Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say

"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out

Well, count to ten, take it in

This is life before you know who you're gonna be

Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail

And soon enough you're best friends

Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool

We'll be outta here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car

And you're feeling like flying

And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one

And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends

When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

When you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

Who changed his mind and we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall

I've found time can heal most anything

And you just might find who you're supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Your very first day

Take a deep breath girl

Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

WILD AT HEART--Gloriana

Down a back road

Long hot summer

A couple kids running loose and wild

And he kissed her

She said mister

Take an inch and I'll give you a mile

I ain't here

to do anything halfway

Dont give a damn

What anyone might say

I just want to freefall

for a while

That rebel moon is shining

Those stars burn like diamonds

Hell bent on chasing down

That crazy spark

I'll follow you where you're leading

To the first sweet taste of freedom

You got me running baby

Wild at Heart

About Midnight

He Tells Her

I ain't got no come on lines

Well I love you

Or I'll try to

We got nothing to lose but time

Stick your hand into my back pocket

Light me up like a bottle rocket

I just want to freefall

For a while

That rebel moon is shining

Those stars burn like diamonds

Hell bent on chasing down

that crazy spark

Ill follow you where you're leading

To the first sweet taste of freedom

You got me running baby

Wild at heart

Oh oh

Alright

The night is telling us

We're way to young

Oh oh

That's alright

I've got forever

On the tip of my tounge

That rebel moon is shining

Those stars burn like diamonds

Hell bent on chasing down

that crazy spark

I'll follow you where you're leading

To the first sweet taste of freedom

You got me running baby

Wild at heart

That rebel moon is shining

Those stars burn like diamonds

Hell bent on chasing down

that crazy spark

I'll follow you where you're leading

To the first sweet taste of freedom

You got me running baby

Wild at heart

Oh Oh

Alright

455 ROCKET--Kathy Matea

Mr. Smith had an oldsmobile

Baby blue with them wire wheels

I took her home the day that she was adverstised

He said she leaked when, it would rain

And sounded like an aeroplane

But I knew she was a jewel in disguise

She had a 455 Rocket

The biggest block alive

I couldn't hardly wait just to take my turn

She was made for the straight aways

She grew up hating Chevrolets

She's a Rocket, she was made to burn

Whose junkpile piece of Chevelle is this?

You boys come here to race or just kiss?

Don't you wanna know what I got underneath my hood?

I know she might sound like she's missing

But buddy, she could teach you a lesson

In just a quater mile, and I'll smoke you good

In my 455 Rocket

The kind the police drive

I couldn't hardly wait just to take my turn

She was made for the straight aways

She grew up hating Chevrolets

She's a Rocket, she was made to burn

I'm telling you and I ain't ashamed

I cried when that wrecker came

As we skid I thought I heard the angels sing (sounded like the Beach Boys)

We hit the curve and began to sail

Took out most of the safety rail

Even the cop asked me

"Man, what'd you have in that thing?"

I had a 455 Rocket

The very kind you drive

You oughta watch yourself when you take that turn

'Cause she was made for the straight aways

She grew up hating Chevrolets

She's a Rocket, she was made to burn

Lord, she's a Rocket she was made to burn

STRAIGHT TO THE POINT--Carrie Newcomer

Some come in the side door swingin’

Some eat in the kitchen but they don’t mind

Some stride in without even knockin’

Some act like they’ve been here the whole damn time

Gonna live my life like it don’t get much better

Gonna walk right in like I own this joint

Get right down to the heart of the matter

Live straight to the point

Straight to the point

I don’t need the keys to the kingdom

‘Cause I don’t measure my life that way

Try as you might to hold on to something

Sooner or later it’s all going to change

Gonna live my life like it don’t get much better

Gonna walk right in like I own this joint

Get right down to the heart of the matter

Live straight to the point

Straight to the point

There is no point if the point is not taken

Most of our prisons are of our own makin’

She’d drop dimes and nickels in the jukebox

And The Glory of Love is what she’d always play

She’d say “You gotta be brave, you gotta be fearless

“And when you’re afraid just do it anyway”

Gonna live my life like it don’t get much better

Gonna walk right in like I own this joint

Get right down to the heart of the matter

Live straight to the point

Straight to the point

It’s all in the tellin’; it’s all in the story

It’s all in the way that you walk the walk

Let your life speak 'cause there aint no secrets

Let your head help, but let your heart talk

Gonna live my life like it don’t get much better

Gonna walk right in like I own this joint

Get right down to the heart of the matter

Live straight to the point

Straight to the point

How Can One Talk So Much And Say So Little?

2009-09-20T19:50:00.001-05:00

Right, so, trying to make a well-thought-out blog post. (easier said than done!) Particularly because I have no idea what I'm going to write...yet... Give me a minute, peoples. :D

I suppose I really ought to expound upon something deep and profound and wonderful... Something that shall keep you up thinking about what I said...

But nothing comes to mind.

Surprised? I'm not. This happens to me too much of the time.

Why in the WORLD did I think that I could maintain a blog? This is the girl who can barely maintain a diary (which, by the way, has been neglected for a week...). I suppose I could talk about the fact that now that my Driver's Ed is starting tomorrow I'm scared sick of the whole thing (gotta be reality catching up with me) … but I prefer to avoid talking about my fears. Admitting to being scared of something is an uncomfortable feeling that I prefer to not deal with.

OR I could talk about my trip to Iowa...but what's there to say that hasn't already been said someplace? Besides, I am notoriously poor at talking about vacations. When it's happening it's great. Once it's over... I usually am at a lack of intelligent things to say.

Or... Well, that's a bit of a dicey statement because I'm sure there are people who would said that I am at a lack of intelligent things to say ANYWAY! Rubbish... Maybe?

And, so far, this post is once again a strange amount of babbling that has accomplished no purpose other than to fill up valuable (or not-so-valuable) space. I ought to be fined for blog-abuse at this rate.

Which has suddenly opened up another train of thought... I wonder, shall the people reading this be people I know or people I don't know or people that don't even know me? Will it be people I like or people I don't like or will my MUM find it and end up reading it? (now THAT is terrifying) Will people read this on windy days or on sunny days or will I EVER make any sense? (I've got a good thought going here...but it's not coming out. ARG!)

So far I would say that my blog has be a glorious flop. *sighs* Until my next post...adventurous blog readers. (don't say you're not adventurous...because if you're still reading after THAT rambling...you are. I congratulate you. *gets off soapbox* )

The Sworn Non-Blogger Relents...

2009-09-20T18:44:00.003-05:00

The ongoing saga of my life seems to be continuing it's ongoingness. I swore that never, never ever ever would I make a blog. But the charm of being able to broadcast all my thoughts across the internet proved to be too strong. So here I am.

Might I note that this is not a writing blog, and not a blog that has any real purpose at all. !!! Surprise surprise... The day that I actually do something that has a purpose and theory behind it shall be a day worth remembering. I do plan to use it as a writing blog of sorts, and a blog to put all my random thoughts up on. I have made an agreement with my best friend that she can expound upon bubbles...but I shall get to expound upon motorcycles. ;) I'm not sure how popular that will make me, but seeing as I have nothing to say on the subject at the moment...

Random. Did I mention that my blogging shall be random with a capital R? Oh yes, I think I did. :D Convinced yet? :P